My realizations

There comes a time in every woman's life when she looks back on what she has accomplished and wonders if it was all worth it. Typically this occurs around menopause. I must be way ahead of my time because I've started doing that. I'm young, I know, but sometimes I feel like I've lived forever. Which is, of course, ridiculous as I have experienced very little in my life and haven't had time to accomplish much of anything, but here I go anyway.
I'm about to graduate college, so I am at a crossroads of sorts. The leaping off point from proverbial childhood into adulthood. And I wonder, am I ready for it? What in the heck makes me ready to be an adult, to make adult decisions and have to follow through with them? Bills, work, food, dating, and all of those wonderful adult-ish things that will come to me start to spin around my head like the little birds around the head of a cartoon who has just fallen from impossible heights.
I will graduate in Athletic Training, which is a good program and a promising career path. But I don't actually want to be an Athletic Trainer. Not really, anyway. Not enough money, too many hours. and too little respect. Plus, I feel too much like a man. It's affected my social life out here, at least that is what I tell myself. But massage therapy school will be a great blessing because I actually want to do that.
As some of you might know, I have taken up writing as a hobby...and found that I am pretty good at it. Which cycles back around to why I chose my major. I have no idea. If I can do this, why didn't I start earlier? Why didn't someone tell me that I could do this?
And then there's the part of me that will never be really satisfied with my life because I have not the courage to work on it. My musical side is a quieter part, mostly because there is always somebody better, so why bother? It's cowardly, I know, but there it is.
So why am I blabbering off on all of these tangents? I'll tell you...I don't know. But I do know--and here's where the realization comes in-- that there are so many sides to me and either I am the most complex human being ever created or we are all like that, with so many different aspects that we can find ourselves in which ever way we want.
Which leads me to ask you all the question: Who are you really?