Realizations

I was reflective tonight. An odd thing, to be sure, but I tend to reflect a lot more now than I used to. I see things about myself and various things that I seem to have missed before. I'll share some with you.
1. I have a very hard time saying no. If someone asks me to do something, I'll usually do it. It doesn't take much to talk me into doing something unless I REALLY don't want to do it. But if I feel that someone actually does need me to do something, then 99.9% of the time, I will do it. People know this and sometimes they take advantage of it. It makes me feel used.
2. I am not very brave. If there is the slightest potential of embarrassment or any chance that I might not be good at whatever it is, I will not do it. I have a fear of embarrassment, of being laughed at, of having people talk about me when I am not there. It makes me a coward, I know, and I'm ashamed of it. I cannot get over that fear.
3. I don't let go very well. I worry, I over-think, I analyze, and I always find things that I could have done better or done differently or not at all. I hold on to memories because I am afraid there won't be others. I hold on to feelings because I don't know what will happen when they're gone.
4. I don't like being alone. It makes me think too much. It's depressing.