Hmmm...

Today I recieved the scores from a romance writing contest that I entered back in November in which I did not final. Looking at the scores now, I can see that I was not even close. Here's how it worked: I sent five partial manuscripts to the contest and one full manuscript, which would only be read if I finaled. Five judges would rate the partial [along with the synopsis] from 1 to 10, with 10 being 'totally amazing, ought to be published now' and 1 being 'why are you a writer, not good enough for toilet seat covers'. Now granted, the ratings are subjective according to the judge's taste, but in general, they are a standard to go by.
My scores: 2.5, 7, 5.5, 5.5, and 8.
What does that mean? No clue.
But here's my thing: I love this story. It's my second one and in my opinion, it was the best written one that I'd done. I actually thought that I might have a chance at this, but, silly Becky, nobody in today's world wants to read sentimental drivel that has no pointless fornication scene depicted in descriptive, unmistakeable terms. Why should you think that something so PG would be something people would like?
Well...because it is. For every five people that love the racey stuff, I seem to find one that doesn't. Too bad none of those people are the ones who can get me published, but whatever. I won't deny that it was a brutal crushing blow to see that 2.5 score. I thought there had been some mistake, that couldn't be MY book they were talking about on here. My book is funny and witty and makes you happy and something I am terribly proud of. Kubler Ross Stage of Grief 1: Denial. Check.
Then I thought all sorts of evil, mean, vicious thoughts about that judge who gave me that score. What does she know, she wouldn't know a good romance if it slapped her in the face with a 2 by 4. I didn't want her to read my book anyway. Stage of grief 2: Anger. Check.
Then I thought that she must have misunderstood it. Maybe I should contact the people at the contest and explain why I wrote the way I did, why it was so clean in such a dirty world, then surely she would get it. Stage 3: Bargaining. Got it. [this stage came and went really fast...]
Then I was depressed. I admit it. I cried. Course, I am a crier, so this isn't such a big deal. But I was really hurt. If I was this awful, why was I doing this? Nobody had wanted my manuscript before, why would they now? People want hotter and flashier, there's no place for clean, innocent, romantic fun. Stage 4: Depression. Oh yeah.
Still waiting to get to the next stage. It's Acceptance. Yeah...dunno if that will come for a bit. But I am starting to kick myself for caring so much about what that one judge thought. I mean, I couldn't TOTALLY suck if I got a 7 and an 8, right? Yeah, the 5.5s are kinda "well, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't Nora Roberts", but two people liked it. That's more than my average mentioned above, right? And the sad thing is that there are no comments attached with this report, so I have no idea WHY anyone thought the way they did. Maybe if I did then I could accept all of this easier. But who can I find to help me figure out what to do? I need someone who not only knows what they are talking about and can get me where I want to go, but they have to believe in me and in my stories. Dunno where I'll find one of those.
But for someone like me who is a hopeless romantic, I'm just left wondering what their idea of romance is if mine is just not good enough.