Mirrors

The other day I was working on a woman in the student massage clinic and I could tell right from the getgo that she would be chatty. I appreciate those clients, because then my massage goes SOOOO much faster to me. Anyway, we were talking and she goes, "Becky, how tall are you?" I smiled and told her, then she just nodded and sighed, closing her eyes. "You're pretty," she said softly. I froze mid-stroke. What had she just said? Nobody had ever told me I was pretty. Ever. I checked the mirror on the wall next to me and I looked exactly as I knew I did. I had already had four hours of school, and I never look well after that. My hair was a mess, I was in scrubs, and I was not wearing any sort of makeup whatsoever. I even had bags under my eyes. What could the poor dear have been thinking? I laughed awkwardly and said thank you and swiftly changed the subject.
But inside I was thinking, "Really?" which was followed swiftly by, "Surely not. Me?" I have never thought of myself as pretty. I did know that I had pretty eyes, but no one ever noticed that (except for my dad last weekend, oddly enough). But me myself being pretty...no, that wasn't something I ever even dreamed of. I always WANTED someone to call me pretty, or beautiful, even, but that seemed a stretch. I knew that looks weren't important (it's kind of ingrained in us, isn't it?), but I still wanted some, you know?
What could be wrong with my personal mirror that doesn't allow me to see what this stranger did? Or was she just being polite? Yet there was no cause for her to be polite. My height does not insinuate a comment about my looks, so why did she say it?
Confucius said everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it. I am inclined to believe it.
So over the days since then, I have caught myself looking in the mirror more often, trying to find out where she saw whatever she saw. But maybe it's like so many other things: if you look for it, you'll never see it. Is beauty like faith, just a matter of believing? "Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing."
Or is that just for childish fairy tales? I cannot change what I am physically, I've always known it, no matter how I might have wished I could. But for the first time in my life, I am now wondering if I don't even have to wish to be different than I am, if looking as I do would be enough.
What are your mirrors telling you, and are they right?

To Love or Not To Love...What is the question?

Valentine's day to a single person is rather like a weekend to someone who works them: rather pointless and bitterness enstilling. As if we in the single world neededd any further reminders that we are so. There are those who don't mind, who, in fact, use this day to celebrate their single-ness. I am not one of them. Valentine's day for me is traditionally spent on a couch with Ben and Jerry and other forms of food not typically seen in a health professional's house, a rather large stack of movies destined to make me cry or sigh or both, and a box of Kleenex to assist in the results of the former. Sweats are a must on Valentine's day, as is chocolate chip cookie dough. Guilt never follows. This is one day to let myself go and feel pathetic. I love it.
Why, you may ask, would I put myself through this year after year? Why not simply ignore the day altogether? Because, my friends, as has been observed, mentioned, and no doubt laughed about, I am a romantic. I endure this day with my traditions so that I may never forget what my goal is. I am determined to have the sort of love that people write about (ironically enough), the sort of life people envy, and the sort of Valentine's day that I can only dream of. Some may say that it is only a day. I say it is THE day. Celebrating love is something that should be done more often. Have we ever stopped to think about how lucky we are to have something to look forward to for this day? And even the more lucky if we already have it?
The movie of today's Valentine's cryfest was The Duchess, a rather odd pick for a romantic movie when the romance in it is heartbreaking and nothing but torment and frustration. But I realized by the end, that it was the perfect pick for the occasion. Georgiana was not free to love, it was not permitted. Her husband did not love her. She married with the hopes that he might, but it never came. When she found love, she was not free to pursue it. Her life was a vacant emptiness, devoid of the feelings she so desired. She could not choose love.
I feel inordinately blessed that when the time comes, I will be free to choose that. I will know the emotions she was forbidden and will be able to spend my life continuing to know them. I can choose love. I am free to have the choice. Love may be my guide, even as it could not be hers.
I darenot say all you need is love, for that smacks of the slightly ridiculous and trite. But regardless of what circumstances we find ourselves in, however our lives unfold, may we take a little time to appreciate the love that we get to have, that we get to choose. The world is a lonely place for those without it. Romance and love should not be confined to a day alone. Take the time to express it often, to show the one you love that you truly do not because everybody else is doing it, but because you want to. Because you want them to know.
I write romance. I do so because I believe in it. I believe in Valentine's day. And for a single, tear-prone, hopeless romantic toting around a large half-eaten bag of peanut M&M's, the hope of a someday is enough.

Today...

Ah, Friday the 13th...Why is this say so special? It's just a day and a number...and a fear of ladders, cats, and mirrors....and one in which we all carry salt just in case. Oh well. It's fun to pretend there's something magic about this day.
Well, it's been a bit since I have written a real blog...and today won't be it because my sweet, adorable, and PREGNANT (I'm not at all excited, obviously) sister-in-law Erin tagged me. But I will write a real one soon...maybe tomorrow...maybe not.

The Big 8
8 THINGS ABOUT ME
Here are the Rules:
1) Post rules on your blog
2) Answer the six '8' items
3) Let each person know by leaving them a comment
PS these are NOT in order.

8 FAVORITE TV SHOWS
1. Bones
2. House
3. Biggest Loser
4. What Not To Wear
5. Legends of the Hidden Temple
6. American Idol (AFTER the auditions...I hate those things)
7. America's Next Top Model (there...I said it. guilty confession)
8. Friends (again, guilty confession)

8 THINGS I DID YESTERDAY
1. Went to school
2. Took a surprise quiz that I hated
3. Discovered that I have a monster for a sternocleidomastoid. (that's a muscle in the neck, for all you non-anatomy people)
4. Got a bag of DVD's and peanut M&M's from Missy for my Valentine's weekend
5. Drove home for the weekend
6. Got home in 2 1/2 hours instead of 3....
7. Saw my sister-in-law's BABY BUMP! =)
8. Slept in Jenny's bed because it's way more comfortable than mine.

8 THINGS I LOOK FORWARD TO
1. Getting my application for my Ohio state massage boards turned in
2. Hearing back from the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest about my submission
3. Getting my haircut
4. Finishing my resume and letters for jobs
5. GRADUATING
6. Getting a baby in the family!!!
7. Moving into my own place
8. Having a car with four doors

8 FAVORITE RESTAURANTS
1. Panera
2. Olive Garden
3. Red Robin
4. Champs
5. Friday's
6. Panda Express
7. Don Pablo's
8. Aurelio's!!!

8 THINGS ON MY WISH-LIST
1. A job with real money
2. A smaller pant size
3. A published work
4. Winning Oprah's big giveaway thing
5. Winning the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award and getting a contract with Penguin books and $25,000.
6. An apartment that is a steal
7. A trip to Utah to see my friends
8. A Valentine's day that I get to spend with someone besides Ben, Jerry, and Mr. Darcy.

8 PEOPLE I TAG
1. Alicia-Bob
2. Andrea
3. Stephanie
4. Celeste
5. Ashley R. (assuming your baby doesn't come before you get to it...)
6. Amber
7. Jackie
8. Emily H.

Watch out for scary things today! Be safe!

Pride and Prejudice

Alas, we come to the end of our Jane Austen run. I hope that your minds have been enriched and you have broadened your reading spectrum.

Lastly, but certainly not leastly (is that a word?...) is her classic masterpiece Pride and Prejudice. If you have never heard of this one, you need to crawl out from under the rock you live under and stand still while I beat you repeatedly with my tennis shoes. It is one of the single most romantic stories of our time.

We are introduced right away to the Bennet family, who would drive any person mad. Mrs. Bennet is insane, Mr. Bennet is droll and slightly clueless, and the five Bennet girls are...interesting. Jane is the oldest and the most beautiful. Lizzy, our heroine, is bright and spunky. Mary is plain and preachy. Kitty and Lydia, the youngest, were "ignorant, idle, and vain". Anyway, the Bennet's are poor and their house is entailed to a cousin (meaning when Mr. Bennet kicks the bucket, the girls and ma gotta go), so Mrs. Bennet is obsessed with getting those girls hitched to rich men. Opportunity knocks when a Mr. Bingley of 5,000 a year comes to the area and starts putting the moves on Jane. Problem is his sisters are snobs and his friend Mr. Darcy (flutter in the heart) is disapproving and proud. And hugely wealthy. Mrs. Bennet tries to set him up with Lizzy, and so does Bingley, but it doesn't work. The only thing that happens is that Lizzy decides to hate Darcy, which sets up the rest of the book.

Ok, so then we meet Wickham and Collins. Wickham is a charming rogue, but don't trust him. Collins is a slime ball. Feel free to hate him. Then Bingley suddenly up and leaves and Jane is heartbroken because he's prolly gonna go marry Darcy's sister. Then we meet Lady Catherine DeBurgh....hate her. She happens to be Darcy's aunt, tho, so we get to see him again. And he proposes....to Lizzy. He's been in love with her forever. Well, Lizzy just shoots him down, breaking his heart (no really, you can see it in his eyes), and sending him on his way. He writes her a letter (oh, it's so good), and vanishes.

Lizzy suddenly realizes that she's lost a good man after all. While travelling with her aunt and uncle, she stumbles upon Darcy again...and finds he is not so disagreeable as she thought. But disaster from home threatens any chance of blossoming romance, and they must part...never to meet again.

What will happen??? What happy ending could possibly come from this??? I'm not telling.

The 2005 version with Matthew McFadyen......yeah.....it's amazing.

The 1945 version with Lawrence Olivier....it's very funny...and he's cute.

The BBC version with Colin Firth.....(BIG flutter of the heart). It's long, but SOOOOO worth it. Three words: Wet. Linen. Shirt. That's all I'm gonna say.

There are other versions, TONS of parodies, and fun-ness. Just look for it. You'll be hard pressed NOT to find something based off of this one.

Pride and Prejudice...my very favorite and truly an amazing gift to the world.

The End.