Hope

Without going into any of the gory details, I'm going to admit that I have not been myself lately. I've been, in fact, quite discouraged, depressed, and emotional. Right, I know, I'm ALWAYS emotional, but I was less in control of my emotions than normal. Still struggling, but my mom suggested today that I re-read [again] President Uchtdorf's talk from the November Ensign on hope. What a blessing it is to be able to have living prophets who give us counsel that we need, even if we won't REALLY need it for months. I've read this talk I don't know how many times since getting the Ensign, but for some reason, it really hit home today. I'm going to share a few bits because I know that some of you out there might be having a hard time of it too.

"The scriptures say that there must be “an opposition in all things.” So it is with faith, hope, and charity. Doubt, despair, and failure to care for our fellowmen lead us into temptation, which can cause us to forfeit choice and precious blessings.
The adversary uses despair to bind hearts and minds in suffocating darkness. Despair drains from us all that is vibrant and joyful and leaves behind the empty remnants of what life was meant to be. Despair kills ambition, advances sickness, pollutes the soul, and deadens the heart. Despair can seem like a staircase that leads only and forever downward.Hope, on the other hand, is like the beam of sunlight rising up and above the horizon of our present circumstances. It pierces the darkness with a brilliant dawn. It encourages and inspires us to place our trust in the loving care of an eternal Heavenly Father, who has prepared a way for those who seek for eternal truth in a world of relativism, confusion, and of fear."

"What, Then, Is Hope?
The complexities of language offer several variations and intensities of the word hope. For example, a toddler may hope for a toy phone; an adolescent may hope for a phone call from a special friend; and an adult may simply hope that the phone will stop ringing altogether.
I wish to speak today of the hope that transcends the trivial and centers on the Hope of Israel, the great hope of mankind, even our Redeemer, Jesus Christ.
Hope is not knowledge, but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise to us. It is confidence that if we live according to God’s laws and the words of His prophets now, we will receive desired blessings in the future. It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance.In the language of the gospel, this hope is sure, unwavering, and active. The prophets of old speak of a “firm hope” and a “lively hope.” It is a hope glorifying God through good works. With hope comes joy and happiness. With hope, we can “have patience, and bear … [our] afflictions.” "

"Each time a hope is fulfilled, it creates confidence and leads to greater hope. I can think of many instances in my life where I learned firsthand the power of hope. I well remember the days in my childhood encompassed by the horrors and despair of a world war, the lack of educational opportunities, life-threatening health issues during youth, and the challenging and discouraging economic experiences as a refugee. The example of our mother, even in the worst of times, to move forward and put faith and hope into action, not just worrying or wishful thinking, sustained our family and me and gave confidence that present circumstances would give way to future blessings.
I know from these experiences that it is the gospel of Jesus Christ and our membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that strengthen faith, offer a bright hope, and lead us to charity.
Hope sustains us through despair. Hope teaches that there is reason to rejoice even when all seems dark around us.
With Jeremiah I proclaim, “Blessed is the man … whose hope the Lord is.”
With Joel I testify, “The Lord [is] the hope of his people, and the strength of the children of Israel.”
With Nephi I declare: “Press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.”
This is the quality of hope we must cherish and develop. Such a mature hope comes in and through our Savior Jesus Christ, for “every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as [the Savior] is pure.”
The Lord has given us a reassuring message of hope: “Fear not, little flock.” God will wait with “open arms to receive” those who give away their sins and continue in faith, hope, and charity.
And to all who suffer—to all who feel discouraged, worried, or lonely—I say with love and deep concern for you, never give in.
Never surrender.
Never allow despair to overcome your spirit.Embrace and rely upon the Hope of Israel, for the love of the Son of God pierces all darkness, softens all sorrow, and gladdens every heart."

A Sentimental Moment

I am going to make you all indulge me in a bit of sisterly pride. My youngest sister Jenny is a freshman at the University of Tennessee this year and she's on a full ride scholarship for swimming. This year at the South Eastern Conference Championships, she placed 2nd in the 100 yard backstroke. 2ND! And it was the third fastest time in the NCAA this year, but the girls who beat her are British and French, so that made Jen the fastest American in the entire NCAA.

(In her element. She's scary good.)

Now, she's at the NCAA championships this week and she swam the 100 yard backstroke today and placed ninth, which is still AMAZING, seeing as how SECs were like three weeks ago and the fact that Jen is only a FRESHMAN. Her time status in the NCAA might have changed, but the fact remains that she had it! Amazing.
She's been on the National Team before (WHAT?!?!? That's just crazy right there.) and went to the Olympic Trials last year and placed 11th and this summer she has a national meet that is a selection meet for the World Games team, and we think that Jen has a pretty decent shot at making that team. Oh, did I mention that this year the World Games are in ROME?!?!?!?

(Looks good, doesn't it? This was before her first meet on the National Team. They sent a box full of Team USA stuff and she had to try this on. Fits too well. Look out, London 2012!)

Yeah, like I said, Jenny is amazing. I am so proud of her for not only her amazing swimming ability, but for her natural instinct to smile through all of the stress and ups and downs and even if things don't turn out the way she wants, she is always so positive and ready to get back in the pool and work harder. She is my hero.

Love you, Jen! You're the real champion to me!

Retail Rant

I don't know if it is because I am feeling under the weather today or because it feels like the past three weeks have been one continuous stretch of monotony and boredom the likes of which I have never known, but I have a LOT on my mind with regards to our current habits as patrons of various retail establishments. As an employee of an aforementioned retail establishment, I have the opportunity to see the other side of a customer's actions. Allow me now to enlighten you on the most irritating things a customer can do to a retail employee.
1. "This item is on sale. Can I use my coupon on it?" -- why in heck would you be allowed to take a discount off of something already discounted??? I know you want to save money, but this is not the way to do it. I don't know of any retail establishment that will allow you to do that unless it is a special coupon that specifically says 'additional' on it.
2. "I found this coupon from last month. Can I still use it?" -- Well....what does the coupon say? The dates of the coupon are listed ON the coupon. We (and I doubt any other establishment) can't in good conscience honor an out of date coupon. That's why there are dates on it.
3. "Hey! That's supposed to be 40% off." -- This one is not so much a bad habit as just annoying. But it's not your fault, really. As a cashier, I can't keep track of everything that is supposed to be on sale in the store and if it is not ringing up on sale, I can't believe it. What if you're trying to scam me? So I am going to call the manager or someone else to check on that. Please don't get all frustrated with me for doing my job. If you want the discount so badly, you can wait a few minutes for it.
4. "I don't want this. I'll put it over here." -- now why would that make be on this list, hmm? Is that where you got the item? No. Do you see anything else like it where you are placing it? No. So what makes you think that it is ok that it is put there?!?!? Which bring me to the next.
5. "It's ok, they have people hired to put things away." -- No. No we don't. WE put those away. WE, the now frowning but ever polite cashier you are working with. In our current economical situation, do you really think that we have the money to hire more people just to put things away because you can't? Please. For all our sakes, do what your mother told you and clean up after yourself.
6. "This says it is $14.99. Can I get it for $12.99?" -- NO. The price is the price and that is that. Unless you have a coupon--a VALID coupon, mind--I am not going to give it to you. Sure, make me call the manager, if you like. He might give it to you, but it's only to make you go away, and sure, that gets you the extra money you can go spend on a bag of chips, but you've just annoyed twice the number of people you would have otherwise. Feel better?
7. "Which way do I slide my card?" -- Um...the way you always slide credit cards. Magnetic strip down! Yes, that little strip on the back is good for something. And as for the direction...Do the glowing arrows on the side of my machine not help you out with your confusion?
8. "Which one is Enter?" -- Sigh...I'm not sure I want to even go here. But, honestly, in our technological age, you have to ask which one is enter? No, it is NOT always the red button. Yes, I know that other places have a red button for you, but if you can't tell, mine has a big X on it. Each machine is different. Take notice.
I won't go on, even though there is much more. I'm sounding harsh, but it's just a culmination of things. I just wanted to give everyone the view that I get. I have tried to become more considerate in my own shopping, kinder to those cashiers who look a little frustrated, and to hold my tongue when I would really like to complain. The lowly cashier at the register is not to blame for anything, so why take it out on them? Why make their day a bad one because I am so irritated with my own current situation? So, please, for the sake of the little people in the retail world, smile. Be a smart shopper. Be a considerate shopper. And please, read your coupons. The whole thing. Even the little words at the bottom. You can learn a lot from them.

Mirrors

The other day I was working on a woman in the student massage clinic and I could tell right from the getgo that she would be chatty. I appreciate those clients, because then my massage goes SOOOO much faster to me. Anyway, we were talking and she goes, "Becky, how tall are you?" I smiled and told her, then she just nodded and sighed, closing her eyes. "You're pretty," she said softly. I froze mid-stroke. What had she just said? Nobody had ever told me I was pretty. Ever. I checked the mirror on the wall next to me and I looked exactly as I knew I did. I had already had four hours of school, and I never look well after that. My hair was a mess, I was in scrubs, and I was not wearing any sort of makeup whatsoever. I even had bags under my eyes. What could the poor dear have been thinking? I laughed awkwardly and said thank you and swiftly changed the subject.
But inside I was thinking, "Really?" which was followed swiftly by, "Surely not. Me?" I have never thought of myself as pretty. I did know that I had pretty eyes, but no one ever noticed that (except for my dad last weekend, oddly enough). But me myself being pretty...no, that wasn't something I ever even dreamed of. I always WANTED someone to call me pretty, or beautiful, even, but that seemed a stretch. I knew that looks weren't important (it's kind of ingrained in us, isn't it?), but I still wanted some, you know?
What could be wrong with my personal mirror that doesn't allow me to see what this stranger did? Or was she just being polite? Yet there was no cause for her to be polite. My height does not insinuate a comment about my looks, so why did she say it?
Confucius said everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it. I am inclined to believe it.
So over the days since then, I have caught myself looking in the mirror more often, trying to find out where she saw whatever she saw. But maybe it's like so many other things: if you look for it, you'll never see it. Is beauty like faith, just a matter of believing? "Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing."
Or is that just for childish fairy tales? I cannot change what I am physically, I've always known it, no matter how I might have wished I could. But for the first time in my life, I am now wondering if I don't even have to wish to be different than I am, if looking as I do would be enough.
What are your mirrors telling you, and are they right?

To Love or Not To Love...What is the question?

Valentine's day to a single person is rather like a weekend to someone who works them: rather pointless and bitterness enstilling. As if we in the single world neededd any further reminders that we are so. There are those who don't mind, who, in fact, use this day to celebrate their single-ness. I am not one of them. Valentine's day for me is traditionally spent on a couch with Ben and Jerry and other forms of food not typically seen in a health professional's house, a rather large stack of movies destined to make me cry or sigh or both, and a box of Kleenex to assist in the results of the former. Sweats are a must on Valentine's day, as is chocolate chip cookie dough. Guilt never follows. This is one day to let myself go and feel pathetic. I love it.
Why, you may ask, would I put myself through this year after year? Why not simply ignore the day altogether? Because, my friends, as has been observed, mentioned, and no doubt laughed about, I am a romantic. I endure this day with my traditions so that I may never forget what my goal is. I am determined to have the sort of love that people write about (ironically enough), the sort of life people envy, and the sort of Valentine's day that I can only dream of. Some may say that it is only a day. I say it is THE day. Celebrating love is something that should be done more often. Have we ever stopped to think about how lucky we are to have something to look forward to for this day? And even the more lucky if we already have it?
The movie of today's Valentine's cryfest was The Duchess, a rather odd pick for a romantic movie when the romance in it is heartbreaking and nothing but torment and frustration. But I realized by the end, that it was the perfect pick for the occasion. Georgiana was not free to love, it was not permitted. Her husband did not love her. She married with the hopes that he might, but it never came. When she found love, she was not free to pursue it. Her life was a vacant emptiness, devoid of the feelings she so desired. She could not choose love.
I feel inordinately blessed that when the time comes, I will be free to choose that. I will know the emotions she was forbidden and will be able to spend my life continuing to know them. I can choose love. I am free to have the choice. Love may be my guide, even as it could not be hers.
I darenot say all you need is love, for that smacks of the slightly ridiculous and trite. But regardless of what circumstances we find ourselves in, however our lives unfold, may we take a little time to appreciate the love that we get to have, that we get to choose. The world is a lonely place for those without it. Romance and love should not be confined to a day alone. Take the time to express it often, to show the one you love that you truly do not because everybody else is doing it, but because you want to. Because you want them to know.
I write romance. I do so because I believe in it. I believe in Valentine's day. And for a single, tear-prone, hopeless romantic toting around a large half-eaten bag of peanut M&M's, the hope of a someday is enough.

Today...

Ah, Friday the 13th...Why is this say so special? It's just a day and a number...and a fear of ladders, cats, and mirrors....and one in which we all carry salt just in case. Oh well. It's fun to pretend there's something magic about this day.
Well, it's been a bit since I have written a real blog...and today won't be it because my sweet, adorable, and PREGNANT (I'm not at all excited, obviously) sister-in-law Erin tagged me. But I will write a real one soon...maybe tomorrow...maybe not.

The Big 8
8 THINGS ABOUT ME
Here are the Rules:
1) Post rules on your blog
2) Answer the six '8' items
3) Let each person know by leaving them a comment
PS these are NOT in order.

8 FAVORITE TV SHOWS
1. Bones
2. House
3. Biggest Loser
4. What Not To Wear
5. Legends of the Hidden Temple
6. American Idol (AFTER the auditions...I hate those things)
7. America's Next Top Model (there...I said it. guilty confession)
8. Friends (again, guilty confession)

8 THINGS I DID YESTERDAY
1. Went to school
2. Took a surprise quiz that I hated
3. Discovered that I have a monster for a sternocleidomastoid. (that's a muscle in the neck, for all you non-anatomy people)
4. Got a bag of DVD's and peanut M&M's from Missy for my Valentine's weekend
5. Drove home for the weekend
6. Got home in 2 1/2 hours instead of 3....
7. Saw my sister-in-law's BABY BUMP! =)
8. Slept in Jenny's bed because it's way more comfortable than mine.

8 THINGS I LOOK FORWARD TO
1. Getting my application for my Ohio state massage boards turned in
2. Hearing back from the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest about my submission
3. Getting my haircut
4. Finishing my resume and letters for jobs
5. GRADUATING
6. Getting a baby in the family!!!
7. Moving into my own place
8. Having a car with four doors

8 FAVORITE RESTAURANTS
1. Panera
2. Olive Garden
3. Red Robin
4. Champs
5. Friday's
6. Panda Express
7. Don Pablo's
8. Aurelio's!!!

8 THINGS ON MY WISH-LIST
1. A job with real money
2. A smaller pant size
3. A published work
4. Winning Oprah's big giveaway thing
5. Winning the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award and getting a contract with Penguin books and $25,000.
6. An apartment that is a steal
7. A trip to Utah to see my friends
8. A Valentine's day that I get to spend with someone besides Ben, Jerry, and Mr. Darcy.

8 PEOPLE I TAG
1. Alicia-Bob
2. Andrea
3. Stephanie
4. Celeste
5. Ashley R. (assuming your baby doesn't come before you get to it...)
6. Amber
7. Jackie
8. Emily H.

Watch out for scary things today! Be safe!

Pride and Prejudice

Alas, we come to the end of our Jane Austen run. I hope that your minds have been enriched and you have broadened your reading spectrum.

Lastly, but certainly not leastly (is that a word?...) is her classic masterpiece Pride and Prejudice. If you have never heard of this one, you need to crawl out from under the rock you live under and stand still while I beat you repeatedly with my tennis shoes. It is one of the single most romantic stories of our time.

We are introduced right away to the Bennet family, who would drive any person mad. Mrs. Bennet is insane, Mr. Bennet is droll and slightly clueless, and the five Bennet girls are...interesting. Jane is the oldest and the most beautiful. Lizzy, our heroine, is bright and spunky. Mary is plain and preachy. Kitty and Lydia, the youngest, were "ignorant, idle, and vain". Anyway, the Bennet's are poor and their house is entailed to a cousin (meaning when Mr. Bennet kicks the bucket, the girls and ma gotta go), so Mrs. Bennet is obsessed with getting those girls hitched to rich men. Opportunity knocks when a Mr. Bingley of 5,000 a year comes to the area and starts putting the moves on Jane. Problem is his sisters are snobs and his friend Mr. Darcy (flutter in the heart) is disapproving and proud. And hugely wealthy. Mrs. Bennet tries to set him up with Lizzy, and so does Bingley, but it doesn't work. The only thing that happens is that Lizzy decides to hate Darcy, which sets up the rest of the book.

Ok, so then we meet Wickham and Collins. Wickham is a charming rogue, but don't trust him. Collins is a slime ball. Feel free to hate him. Then Bingley suddenly up and leaves and Jane is heartbroken because he's prolly gonna go marry Darcy's sister. Then we meet Lady Catherine DeBurgh....hate her. She happens to be Darcy's aunt, tho, so we get to see him again. And he proposes....to Lizzy. He's been in love with her forever. Well, Lizzy just shoots him down, breaking his heart (no really, you can see it in his eyes), and sending him on his way. He writes her a letter (oh, it's so good), and vanishes.

Lizzy suddenly realizes that she's lost a good man after all. While travelling with her aunt and uncle, she stumbles upon Darcy again...and finds he is not so disagreeable as she thought. But disaster from home threatens any chance of blossoming romance, and they must part...never to meet again.

What will happen??? What happy ending could possibly come from this??? I'm not telling.

The 2005 version with Matthew McFadyen......yeah.....it's amazing.

The 1945 version with Lawrence Olivier....it's very funny...and he's cute.

The BBC version with Colin Firth.....(BIG flutter of the heart). It's long, but SOOOOO worth it. Three words: Wet. Linen. Shirt. That's all I'm gonna say.

There are other versions, TONS of parodies, and fun-ness. Just look for it. You'll be hard pressed NOT to find something based off of this one.

Pride and Prejudice...my very favorite and truly an amazing gift to the world.

The End.