The Real Adventures of Me

Changes

2010-06-21T13:38:00.001-04:00

Sooooo my account was hacked today. Great fun. I have no idea how bad it is, but just to be safe, I'm deleting the whole account and starting all over again. I'm not going to post anything on here, but those who want to know the new stuff have only to look for me in other realms.
Hope you do find me, cuz I like you guys.
Watch your passwords and security people. It's embarrassing to have people call you and think you seriously are in danger when you have no idea what has happened.

IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!!

2010-06-18T11:18:00.003-04:00

You know, I thought I loved Fridays before now, but I did not even know how amazing they are until recently.
And you know what's even better than just regular Fridays?
SUNNY FRIDAYS!!!
I mean, honestly, what gets better than a sunny Friday? It's like the weather is just as happy about it being Friday as we are! Ok, granted, it's like 93 degrees outside, but still! It's sunny and there's just something about looking out the window of my office and seeing sunshine and blue skies that just makes me smile so big! My only regret is that I don't get to enjoy the sunshine until 4, which isn't even that big of a regret because normally I leave at 5, but since I come in one hour early on Mondays, I get to leave one hour early on Fridays! Oh, bliss!
Anyway, time for your regularly scheduled Becky update: Nothing's new! No, really, aside from some additional DVDs and new groceries, nothing's changed since my last post. My sister Sarah is coming tomorrow, which I am SOOOOOOOOOOO excited for. She's been doing a week of EFY in Minnesota and has next week off so she's coming to play with me for a week. I feel kinda bad that I have to work while she's here, but hey, I need money. After that, she goes back to working EFYs in various locations around the Mid-West. Sad day, but yay for her. On the up side, CARLY is coming!!!! And her parents, too, I suppose. =) NEXT Saturday Carly et all will be coming up for a visit! A whole week of Carly goodness! I'm so happy! And THEN we're all going up to Chicago for the 4th of July! HURRAY FOR MY FAMILY!!! Seriously, I love seeing my family. Just in case you couldn't tell.
I'll let you guys know how everything goes and post some super cute and super fun pics when I get them.
But until then, HAPPY FRIDAY! GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY!

My Grown-Up Job

2010-06-03T09:35:00.004-04:00

So I know you've all been dying to hear all about what I do for my new job. Well, I'll tell you in this blog post and even put in some pictures for your viewing pleasure.

My job title is the Orthonavigator. It sounds cooler than it is. But anyway, what I do is take most of the new patient calls for the orthopedic surgeons and hand specialists, do a brief triage evaluation, as we call it, and place them with the appropriate doctors. It may seen like a glorified secretary job from the outside, but it really does take skill. See, not all surgeons see the same things. And not all injuries need to be seen as immediately as others. I actually have a list of which doctors see what injuries and what they won't see. Some doctors won't take patients who are not referred by a primary care physician, some won't take certain insurances. So I really do have an important job.

My day starts at 8 most days (7 on Mondays) and ends at 5 (Fridays at 4). When I get to work in the morning, I usually have some faxes that have come through from the emergency department that need to be scheduled with one of my doctors right away. I see all sorts of injuries on all sorts of people, and let me just say this right now: People, stop punching hard things and breaking your hand. It's really dumb.

Anywho, after organizing and calling my ED patients, I look at the orders that have come through on my computer system from the urgent cares since I've been sleeping. Sometimes I don't have any, sometimes [like Tuesday] I'll have 9. Holiday weekends are messy things around here.

So the rest of the day I am taking phone calls from doctor's offices, the call center, or the patients themselves and try to get everybody in to see the right doctor for their problem. Sometimes I have to diffuse situations that have come up between a doctor and a patient, or deal with a patient who is transferring from a different system of doctors. No day is ever the same around here, and I like that.

Once things get all ironed out here, I'll be helping out in rehab a little bit and doing some overflow massages. It'll be nice to set back into that side of the game. And there's a possibility that I'll be able to go out as an athletic trainer a couple of times a week once school starts back up again. I am WAY excited for that. I've missed it.

So that's what I do. It's nice to work for a medical facility. And not just because I get to wear scrubs to work. The benefits are pretty nice, too.

If you can't tell, I really like my grown-up job. And I really REALLY like my grown-up paycheck. =)

This is my office. Yeah, that's right. Office. With a door.

The view from my windows. Please ignore the reflection of my hand.

My totally sweet headset. Yep, I told you. I'm legit.

Good-bye, my friend

2010-05-28T09:12:00.003-04:00

I lost a good friend this week to breast cancer. Gaye Merrill was the Director of Sports Medicine at BYU and an old friend of our family. She was my mentor at school and kept me sane when I didn't think I could do this athletic training thing anymore. When I had such trouble passing the exam, I went to see her on a visit to see my sister in Utah. She was busy, but she said she had time to talk with me. After I told her everything I was dealing with, she told me that it would be ok, to think about what I really wanted, and then go from there. Then she smiled at me and said, "Becky, it's just a test." I didn't realize it until later, but I don't think she was really talking about the board exam. And she was right. It was just a test. I don't remember if I told her that I passed it or not, and that makes me sad. Did I ever say thank you to her for everything she was to me? Did I thank her for her advice? I don't know. I know that she knows now, but that doesn't help much.
But she was more than just a mentor, she was a friend. I always regretted that I never got to work with her at school, but she was a good friend of my mom and dad when they were at school, so we already had this bond. From my first few days at BYU, I'd stop by to say hi. She always asked about each of our family members and knew them by name. She asked me how my life was going, when I was getting into the program, what I wanted to do. And every single time, she told me to tell my mom hi. Every time, without fail. That's the kind of friend she was.
I have a new job, which I'll blog about later, and I had a few names for references. Gaye was #1 on that list. I have no idea if she was contacted about this job, but I have a feeling. I hope that when I leave this life, she'll be my reference over there. I know that her opinion will mean a lot.
Thanks for everything, Gaye. I'll miss you.

Favorite Lit Tidbits

2010-04-26T18:38:00.006-04:00

I've been taking an unofficial hiatus from blogging. Truth is, I've had nothing to blog ABOUT. My life is very boring at the moment.
But, lucky for you, my life will get more exciting in a few weeks. I got a job! A real one! A big kid job, as my dad informed me! We'll talk about that later, once I know more.
Right now I have a question.
I've been spending some time thinking about literature. Movies, books, etc. I don't know about you, but in every movie or book, I have a favorite part. And besides that, little favorite tidbits that make me happy. For example, in Pride and Prejudice with Keira Knightly, I love the part in the rain. It is not my favorite part in the entire movie as a whole, but I love it. You know why I love it? I love the rain. I love the emotionally charged scenes that take place in the rain. It just adds so much! Wives and Daughters has a rain scene, and I LOVE that one too. Rain scenes...ugh, they are great.
Here's another example: The Proposal. The scene in the bedroom when she starts talking about random things that he doesn't know about her. You can just seen how touched he is. I mean, he almost cries! Well, maybe not, but his Adam's apple DEFINITELY moves! I love the vulnerability that such a strong character portrays, the trust she is placing in him when she isn't entirely sure she wants to. And I love that he doesn't answer right away. He isn't sure how to take it, how he feels, and he obviously cares enough to watch what he says so he won't hurt her. Vulnerable, emotional, and a key turning point.
One more: I have no idea why, but I LOVE when a hero is in trouble and the girl goes to save him. It may not work, and half the time doesn't, but I love that she tries it. That one is everywhere. The Scarlet Pimpernel, The Adventures of Robin Hood with Errol Flynn, Beauty and the Beast....Love it.
Oh, and the Cinderella thing...I love when they do that.
So. Tell me. In books or movies, what are your favorite tidbits and gimmicks? Mistaken identity? Cross dressing? Rain? Chases? Tell all! And tell us where we can find it!

Spiritual thoughts

2010-03-12T22:51:00.002-05:00

"The Lord doesn't expect us to work harder than we are able. He doesn't (nor should we) compare our efforts to those of others. Our Heavenly Father asks only that we do the best we can -- that we can work according to our full capacity, however great or small that may be." --President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
I got that quote on a cute little handout from one of our Relief Society teachers a few weeks ago, and since we're on a cleaning binge in my home, I found it on my desk and put it up on my desk almost without thinking. Then later (or NOW, in my grand timeline) I saw it again and was struck by it. I don't know what it is, but I have been thinking a lot about our Heavenly Father lately. He sent us all down here for a reason. He has a plan so that even though we all screw up, it won't ruin our chances of returning to Him. He has given us all that we have and all that we have to do is do our best. Our VERY best, mind you, and work at it, but that's it. Do our best and put our trust in Him. That doesn't seem like very much, does it?
I never understand why people think that God is mean. He is the reason that we exist! He blesses us with so many things! He is our Father and He lvoes us so much that He sent us Jesus Christ, our brother, who was willing to suffer and die for us so that our Father's plan could work! We are so loved by them that I can't even comprehend it!
In some of my more contemplative moments, I wonder why I was sent here and now. Why not when Jesus was on the earth? Why not during the Restoration? Why was I not a Nephite woman or a pilgrim or a peasant in Queen Elizabeth's time? Why am I in this place at this time? I do have days where I honestly wish I were somewhere else in some other time. But every time I have thought that, these two lines come into my mind: "The Lord does not make mistakes. You are meant to be here right now." Does that make me feel better? Yes. Does it answer anything? Nope, but I trust that the Lord knows exactly what He is doing. It's me I'm a little worried about.
Easter is coming. And General Conference is on Easter this year. I feel more inclined to prepare myself for conference this year than before, and whether that is due to the holiday or just my own spiritual sense, I don't know. But I am so excited for the opportunity to hear what the Lord wants me to hear. I hope--and pray--that I am ready and open enough to listen. "He that hath ears to hear, let him hear."

The end is near...

2010-03-01T22:26:00.002-05:00

So February was a failure of a month as far as my blog posting stats go. But with the Olympics absorbing all of my love and devotion and attention, I'm not going to apologize. I am, however, going to have to excuse myself for feeling slightly less adoring over Mr. Sidney Crosby, who scored the winning goal for Team Canada during their gold medal game against Team USA. I still love him....it will just take a tiny bit for me to get over the sting. And I found a new hero in Ryan Miller, the goalie for Team USA. I even won an ebay bid on a Miller shirt from the Buffalo Sabres (and can I just say that I love him even more for playing for a team called the Sabres? I mean really, that's fabulous). True story.
ANYWAY.... February is over and all I can say is HALLELUJAH! It lasted SOOOOO LONG! Maybe it's because I tend to loop February with January as the longest stinkin dang months ever. Anything after Christmas is a let down for some time, and the cold, gray, dreary months of the remainder of winter are just a monotonous reminder that the holidays are ended and we must return to reality, which is cold, gray, and dreary compared to the magic of December.
But, as I said, it is over. March is here. March means warmth and rain and green and birds and SPRING!!!! The darkness is passing, the sun is coming! ALL HAIL MARCH!!!
I may be a little over exuberant, but I don't care. Winter is over and Spring is coming. I can smell it!

An interesting idea...

2010-02-09T23:19:00.002-05:00

I woke up the other day with an interesting idea that began the night before and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind since.
I've been having problems sitting down and writing like I used to do, and I'm pretty sure it's because I have too much time on my hands and so I can't focus. But I had a great idea for a story pop in, with just one minor problem: I could only vaguely create a plot. I had no solid ideas on any characters. I don't have names, pictures, and only have itty bitty personality traits that may or may not change. I have never been so dissatisfied with my creations.
When I woke up the next morning, I had a few more little ideas, but one really big one: get input.
Do here's my interesting idea: I'll tell you some of what I know, and you help me fill in the gaps. Obviously I'm not going to tell you all because that would ruin everything. But I want to test this out and see what kind of response I get and if you guys have as creative imaginations as I think you do. You don't have to answer them all, just any that strike your fancy.
So here we go.
Setting: 1800's England
NAME and DESCRIBE our heroine. Wealthy daughter of a respected family, moderately attractive, sensible, but with an independent streak and longs for any sort of adventure. Quite used to biting her tongue. Not yet had a suitor she could stand for more than 15 minutes.
NAME her wastrel, extravagent but rather attractive older brother and BRAINSTORM how he got that way. Not even closely approaching any thoughts of matrimony or preserving the family estate.
NAME and DESCRIBE their father. A decent man, although forgetful since his wife's recent death. Has a secret...one he is terrified of having revealed.
NAME and DETAIL their neighbor. A meddling middle-aged widow who rambles and always has some ailment to complain about. Knows absolutely everything about everybody...and never forgets.
NAME and DESCRIBE the family friend. A bachelor of mid to late 30's with an impressive fortune, good heart, but minimal social skills and no taste for idiocy. Also has a taste for criticism, an eye for potential, and a dark past that haunts his dreams.
NAME and DESCRIBE the plain, painfully shy daughter of the magistrate. A girl of our heroine's age, of moderate accomplishment, rarely seen and even more rarely heard. Overshadowed continually by her beautiful TWIN SISTER and their overbearing, pompous, absolutely bizarre mother, both of which also deserves a NAME and some physical features.
NAME and DETAIL the token invisible male, who always does good that is never traced back to him. Desperately hopes for one thing...and one thing only.
NAME and DESCRIBE the mystery visitor who rides recklessly in and changes everyone's lives in one way or another. An exceedingly attractive rogue with a dashing history...if it can be believed.

Right, so that's that. Have I made you all curious? Good, because, quite frankly, I've made myself curious. I make no promises to accept anything that you say, but then again, I just might accept everything....bwah hahahahahahahha......

Something I really love

2010-01-27T14:58:00.003-05:00

I know that you've all read my Jane Austen posts that I did a while ago, and so you all know very well how much I love her and her works. Well, the BBC has done it again. A few years ago, they redid all of works of Jane Austen EXCEPT Pride and Prejudice and Emma. Pride and Prejudice we can understand them skipping, as the A&E version that came out in '95 is still phenomenal and very popular, and the Focus version that came out in '05 is still quite new. But Emma...there were two versions that came out quite close to each other, one a TV version by A&E and a feature film by Miramax, I beleive. Both were quite good, but about the same length.
Now the BBC has decided they were going to improve matters. They released a new version of Emma and PBS' Masterpiece Theater is showing it over the next few weeks. The first two hours were on Sunday and I taped it and only jsut got around to watching it...
OH MY GOSH, it was awesome. Romola Garai plays Emma perfectly and Jonny Lee Miller is a fantastic Mr. Knightley. The supporting cast is great, and I can honestly say this version of Harriett Smith is just as clueless as I always thought she should be, but never got to see. Frank Churchill is charming and attractive, but not overly pontsy, and Jane Fairfax is appropriately mousy.
Now, I've only seen the first segment, and there are two more short segments to go, but I am GREATLY encouraged by my first taste of it. I recommend the rest of you to tune in to Masterpiece Theater this Sunday at 9pm to see the next installment. If you feel that you can't watch that without seeing the previous one, then you can go to pbs.org to watch it before gametime on Sunday!
DO IT!!!!

I need hobbies....or a job

2010-01-20T10:13:00.003-05:00

It is an interesting turn of life when you find yourself unoccupied for most of the day, and then work most of the evening, which is when normal people have their most unoccupied time. Unless you're single, and then it is just as busy. As I am single, it would still be busy. But as I only work in the evenings at this point, my social life is pretty much in the tank.
But enough about that, let's get back on topic: I have a very long day before I ever get to work because quite simply, I don't have too much to do. I'm looking for another job to fill the morning, but with the economy the way it is.... And then there's the worry that working during the day AND at night will significantly hinder my availability for those few chances I get to work during the day.
But what should I do during those long mornings alone? I have very few needs at the moment, so shopping is pretty pointless. I have very little money, so taking classes for fun is out. I seriously lack patience or creativity, so I cannot knit afghans for orphans. I'd write, but quite honestly, I write better when I have a little compressed time and not huge masses of time that need to be filled.
I need ideas. Until I have steady work that keeps me busy, I need ideas for things I can do during the day to make me feel productive and will use my time in a cosntructive way. I've had my share of TV days, and those days are just as long and unproductive as sitting around and staring at dust.
Help me out, kids, will ya?

New Year...

2010-01-05T15:41:00.002-05:00

I was a slug the entire month of December. Granted, I did things...like baking dozens of coffee cakes for our friends, addressing and stuffing envelopes with Christmas cards, mailing packages...and I watched a lot of Christmas movies. I think I went through each of the movies in our collection once, and some of them at least twice. I really enjoyed the holidays! I had all of the anticipation and had time to revel in the entire season.
But now it's over...and as always, I am really sad. It's just such a magical time and when it's over it feels like the magic is gone. I don't get nearly as excited about New Year's as other people do. But I do enjoy the time that it allows me to look back and try to figure out how to improve myself. Whether or not I follow through on those things is another matter entirely...
What are you going to do this year that will make it so special?

It Snowed!!!

2009-12-07T08:50:00.004-05:00

I know that eventually I'll complain about it, but you can't complain about the first snow of the season! It's so nice to wake up and see a nice dusting of snow on the ground. There's something magical about it, I think.

I have no idea how long the snow will be here, but it's so pretty!!! It make me smile and totally made my day.

Oh, my aching feet

2009-12-05T13:48:00.003-05:00

Mom and I just completed a morning full of Christmas shopping...

It was great.

It was crowded.

It was intense.

It was successful.

And now I am exhausted!

But I am almost done with my shopping! Which is good, considering that pretty soon I get to help Dad with his shopping for Mom, and I like to have mine done before that so we're only focusing on him.

I think I should start buying in March. That would make things much simpler.

GREAT NEWS!!!!

2009-12-04T12:24:00.002-05:00

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Christmas blog post for this breaking announcement.
I PASSED MY BOC EXAM!!!!!
For those of you who don't know, the BOC exam is the Board of Certification exam that all athletic trainers must take in order to be certified. This was my fourth time taking it and frankly, I didn't know if I could do it. BUT I DID!!!
I want to thank my family for supporting me and praying for me and believing in me, especially when I didn't believe in myself. I want to thank my friends who encouraged me, my teachers who taught me, and my mentors who thought I deserved this.
Most of all, I need to thank the Lord because quite honestly, I could NOT have done this without Him. I'm not even sure how I did it, but I know He had a LOT to do with it.
So now I'm CERTIFIED!!! Not certifiable [you meanies], but certified. So now after my name it will read: ATC, LMT.
WAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Tomorrow we will return to your regular program. Have a nice day.

It's up!

2009-12-03T10:10:00.003-05:00

We put our tree up last night!!!!! It took some manuevering, getting all of the furniture in the right place so that the TV was still visible and that everyone would have a good seat at Christmas. But it is up. It's not decorate yet, but it is up and watered and starting to fill out after it's day of bondage.
And the whole family room smells AMAZING!!!!!

O Christmas Tree...

2009-12-02T09:44:00.002-05:00

We got our tree last night. It was awesome! Granted, we went to Lowe's and picked out one there, but I LOVE the whole process of picking out the perfect tree for our Christmas. Dad and I have very strict regulations. We're practically Christmas Tree police. It has to be tall, very few, if any, bare spots, full the whole length of the tree, and fat. Yes, fat. Our tree this year is PERFECT.

For those of you who haven't guessed, yes, we still get real trees. Fraser Firs, to be exact. And I have no doubt that we will continue to get real trees until our dying days. I intend to have a real tree forever. They smell SOOOOOOO good and look so pretty. So what if there are pine needles on the floor? Get a vaccuum! So what if you have to water it all the time? IT'S WORTH IT. So worth it, in fact, that I never complain about it.

And I was so happy to get our tree that I actually hugged it. When it was all bound up and in our garage, I gave the tree a big hug. Hey, it's a living thing....sort of.... And when I got home from class last night, I totally planted my face in the tree and inhaled....

If you could get high off of Christmas trees, I might be in trouble.

Anyway, we're probably putting it up tonight, and it will be decorated shortly thereafter. Christmas is awesome, isn't it? I love the traditions of it. Even if I hate a few of the ornaments that have to go on the tree every year...

HAPPY DECEMBER!!!

2009-12-01T08:46:00.002-05:00

I don't know when the tradition started, but every time it's a new month, in my family we wish each other a Happy Whatever month it is. If it was a really special month, sometimes we got goodies for it. But I like this tradition. It makes each new month seem like a celebration, which I think all new months should be. It makes us have another day where we can be happy that it is that day, if that makes sense.

December is the greatest month of all. No, really, it is. My birthday is in a week and Christmas is in three and a half. But the entire month of December is one of continual excitement and joy, regardless of whatever we are going through. The Christmas season is one of hope and peace. It really doesn't matter what we get anyone for Christmas or what we receive from anyone or what goodies we are given. What matters is focusing on what DOES matter: family, friends, religion. The things that bring us the most joy in life are not things at all.

Now I'm all for things, though. I love Christmas lights, Christmas cards, Christmas trees, Christmas music, Christmas wrapping paper, Christmas commercials... You could say that I'm a Christmas junkie. I get so excited about the whole thing. It's a special and magical time of year!

HAPPY DECEMBER, EVERYBODY!!! GET EXCITED!!! IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS!!!

My Room

2009-11-30T10:27:00.002-05:00

I thought that today could use a special blog post that I have been wanting to talk about for a few weeks. My room. I know, I know, you all were looking forward to my Christmas posts. But I'm listening to Christmas music while I write this, so it counts for me!
Ok, so my room. I had this room when we first moved into this house. When I went off to college, Jenny took it over, painted it, and made it her own. I inherited her old room with significantly less room and even less closet space. Very nice. Actually, it didn't matter too much as I was only home for a week at a time. But when I moved back here this year, it became obvious that the smaller room was not going to do. So I took my room over again. We rearranged all of the furniture and totally changed the look of the room, and now it is starting to feel like my own room again.
In one corner, we have the night stand that has been in our family since it started. In another corner, my lotion collection, box of textbooks, and other randomness. In the last available corner [the fourth is where the door is], my DVD collection, which is kinda huge. My desk rests against one wall, my bookshelf another, my bed the third, and the fourth and longest wall....well, that's my dresser...and my massive pile of randomness that includes a big bag of plastic bags, my Christmas bin, and Christmas presents that don't require hiding in my closet.
On my desk, there is a very nice collection of random papers. I have no idea what some of these are. On top there is usually pictures....yeah, they're just frames at the moment.
On my walls...My name painted in tropical letters that I got from Sea World when I was 10, a plaque from my volunteering days at the hospital that says "Live Simply, Laugh Often, Love Deeply", my painting from Paris, and my new wooden plaque thing from the Saurkraut Fest that says "Life isn't about waiting for the storms to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
My closet....maybe we won't go there. It's crowded...but not with clothes. With stuff. And a few Christmas presents.
My favorite part of my room, I think, is my headboard. It's a book shelf. Yes, now I have books within six inches of my head while I sleep. PERFECT!
Oh, and the walls of my room are blue. Jenny picked it out. It used to look like I was underwater in a pool, but now it's just my room.
So now you know. Hope you feel empowered.
What does my room say about me? What does YOUR room say about you?

My Mommy

2009-11-29T08:24:00.003-05:00

As you can see, I have updated my blog design to reflect the season. It is officially Christmas time and I am STOKED.
But today is not about Christmas [don't worry, every other day probably will be]. Today is about my mom. It's her birthday today and I am so grateful for her!
Ever since I can remember, my mom has been exactly the same: patient, caring, strong, and cheerful. I can count on one hand the number of times she has been grouchy or sad. She's always doing something for someone else, whether it's making dinner for all of us, baking cookies for friends, sewing pillowcases for the holidays, or preparing lessons for seminary.
She's a motivator. She has always been there for us to turn to when we think we can't do it any more and tells us that it's ok, we can go just a little further. She has so much faith that it's difficult to doubt when she tells you that you can do it.
She never thinks of herself at all. Everything is about other people. She will wear herself out doing things that 'need to get done' and then, after all of that, MAYBE she'll sit down with hot chocolate. Maybe. She'll probably remember something else during that.
She's a new grandma and she's loving it. She's so good with Carly and with helping out C and E whenever she's there. It makes me happy and I know that when I have children, they'll have a grandma that adores them and spoils them just like a grandma should.
I love my mom. I don't think there is a better mom in all the world. There certainly isn't a better one for me. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOMMY!

Rolls....

2009-11-24T09:04:00.002-05:00

Today I am grateful [VERY grateful] for my mom's homemade rolls. We're getting ready to make some for Thanksgiving on Thursday, and I am SOOOOOOOO excited. These rolls are the greatest thing EVER. There isn't even something to compare it to, they are so good. It's like love, peace, happiness, and joy all baked into this little piece of breaded heaven and when you have one...you are never the same.
We only get Weesa Rolls, as they are affectionately called, on special occasions. Literally, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Bonus points for Christmas when half of the dough is turned into cinnamon rolls, which will not be discussed at this time because I refuse to drool on my computer. But the rolls..... Ugh, I am dreading baking them today because I love the smell so much and I can't have any until Thanksgiving...
Blessed be the rolls my mama creates. If you could bake your way to heaven, she'd be there and back and there again.

Last week

2009-11-23T10:21:00.002-05:00

Whew, I am glad that week is over! I didn't post anything, I know, but I can hoenstly tell you that it was the week from HECK. Now, part of it was good [the last few days were actually pretty dang awesome] but I went through some CRAP before that. But suffice it to say that it is over, my athletic training test is over, and my brain seems to be back on track.
Last week, I was grateful for the following things, in no particular order:
- My family, who have always been there to lift me up and support me no matter how unbalanced I seem
- Warm sun and cool breezes that remind me to take slow deep breaths and relax
- A good friend who helps you through tough times just by being there
- A job that I love and keeps me busy and makes me happy to do what I do
- General Conference talks that seem to find the little things you need to know and show you just how simple it can be to understand
- Good movies that uplift and inspire and help you to step back and look at the big picture
- The Lord. Honestly, I couldn't have done any of this week without Him.

Anyway, today I am grateful for health. I've been feeling a bit crummy over the last month or so, and I think it just might be over. I've learned that it is entirely possible to get everything you need to accomplished even if you don't feel like it with a little faith and prayer. Just because you don't feel good doesn't mean you have to feel bad. And smile through it. A smile goes a long way towards healing whatever ails you.
And by the way, I saw New Moon on opening night. FANTASTIC. Go see it.

Church

2009-11-15T13:53:00.002-05:00

Today I am grateful for Church.
I know, I know, it's Sunday, and we're all grateful for Church on Sunday.
But I mean it.
I felt so tired this morning and I was not in the mood to go to Church AT ALL. I just wanted to stay in bed. But I knew that I had to go cuz I'm in charge of some things soon, so I had to talk to people, and I had an activities committee meeting after....
So I went.
And I'm so glad I did. Less than halfway through the first hour, I felt fine again. I was happy, I was awake, and I was at peace. It felt wonderful to be there. And now I feel so rejuvenated and I know I can make it through this next week.
Whatever Church you go to, be grateful for it. I am a firm believer that solid activity in religion makes us better people, is good for our health, and especially good for our souls.
GO TO CHURCH!!!! You won't regret it, I promise.

Bagels

2009-11-14T10:16:00.002-05:00

Today I am grateful for bagels. My parents had a dinner group at our house last night and they opted to have soup and breadbowls, compliments of Panera. And because my mommy loves me so much, she bought some bagels so that I could have one at breakfast today.

And it was sooooooooooooo good. Cinnamon crunch...YUM!

But let's think honestly...bagels are great! I spent four years of my life having bagels for breakfast for at least half of the school year. Bagels and strawberry cream cheese...in the middle of seminary....after having morning swim practice... But who invented the bagel? Who thought "Let's make a doughnut that's more bread than cake, slice it in half, and put this cheesy substance on it!"? They should win an award. I mean, the entire existence of a number of bread places would be seriously hindered if there were no bagels.

Bagels...amazing. I'm grateful for them. Who knows what I might have been forced to eat if they didn't exist.

Children

2009-11-13T08:38:00.003-05:00

Today I am grateful for children. Odd, I know, considering I have none, but let me explain what I mean.
1) My neice was born three months ago this week. I realize I already said I was grateful for Carly, but we'll spend a few moments here anyway. Since Carly has been born, my whole family has been changed. I've seen my parents morph into grandparents [and they were very happy to do so]. I've watched as my brother and his wife have become real life adults and are now parents. And my sisters and I have become aunts...which we LOVE. And watching Carly grow is amazing and I love it.
2) My main reason for being grateful for children today is this one. The innocence of children. My mom and I took two little girls to the local high school play last night. It was CSI Neverland. It was a pretty cute show, but I was more entertained watching the girls watch the play than me watching it myself. They were literally on the edge of their seats. If they could have gone closer, they so would have. They were entraced. They laughed at everything and they shouted when Tinkerbelle asked the audience to say they did believe in fairies. It was adaorable.
And with Christmas coming, children are even more adorable to watch. The Christmas commercials that make me cry the most are those involving children. Walmart has a good one out where a kid wishes for snow for his dad for Christmas...and his dad is in Iraq or Afghanistan and it actually snows. Macy's has one about a girl delivering her letter to Santa, and it has that famous "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus" quote going. I don't know why, but I love them and I tear up every time.
I'm grateful for children. I hope someday I get to have some of my own. But this Thanksgiving and holiday season, watch the children. You might learn something.

Frost...

2009-11-12T08:21:00.002-05:00

Today I'm grateful for frost.

"How bizarre..." you say to yourself. "What is this girl on, really?"

But truly, I'm fine. And I'm entirely serious.

One of my favorite things of the fall/early winter is waking up to find a frost on the ground. One, it means it was cold enough during the night that the precipitation froze, which just tickles me because I like cold. I know, I'm sick. Two, it makes everything look so dang cool! And when the sun hits the frosted ground, a kind of mist rises and it gives the appearance of mystery and enchantedness to the whole area, which is also really dang cool. And three, frost is not snow. Now, I love snow. I just hate driving in snow. With frost we get the beauty of snow, sort of, and none of the badness of snow. It's a win-win, right?

I love what frost does to the grass and the leaves and yes, even car windows. When I woke up a few minutes ago and looked out side, saw that it was sunny and there was a frost on the ground, I grinned to myself and said to my dog Sam, "And frost, too? We're just winning all over the place today, Sam!" She wagged her tail in response, so she must like frost too.

Sadly, however, frost will not stay long. So you have to be an early enough riser to be able to witness it, but don't worry. It's worth the sacrifice of sleep.

I'm grateful for frost, people. And so should you be!

Fuzzy socks

2009-11-11T09:10:00.003-05:00

Today I'm grateful for fuzzy socks. I know, I know, that's silly, but I can assure you that not all socks are created equal, oh no. Regular socks get the job done, but do they give you any happiness? And regular socks are totally different than holiday socks, which always make people happy, so don't even try to go there.

No, no, fuzzy socks are the epitome of great sock-ness. They're warm, soft, comfortable, and even when they sometimes slide so that the heel is actually on top of your foot, you can still wear them comfortable and not even care that it's backwards now. I don't remember when I was first indtroduced to the fuzzy sock... It must have been a Christmas, because I am fairly certain that it was my grandmother, a saint among women and all people, who included my first pair of fuzzy socks in one of her Never-Ending Presents. Yes, Never Ending. She's a regular Willy Wonka of Christmas. A box that can be used for many different things is stuffed with smaller gifts, all wrapped indivdually, and of varying topics. Jewelry, books, nail files, pouches, bookmarks, etc... And one year, socks. But not just any old sock, oh no. [althoguh she has done that as well...] These were FUZZY SOCKS!

And I was never the same. Winter just isn't winter without the comfort of fuzzy socks after a long day. Sitting on the couch with your hot chocolate, blanket, and fuzzy socks...life doesn't get any better than that.

Unless there is a lit up Christmas tree in the room, too, in which case, congratulations, you have reached the height of happiness. You can die in peace.

Now go out and get yourself some fuzzy socks! I mean, money can't really buy you happiness, right? But hey, if you buy fuzzy socks, you can get dang close!

Yesterday and Today

2009-11-10T09:14:00.003-05:00

I realized about half way through yesterday that I didn't say what I was grateful for on THAT day in the midst of catching up on all the other days! I felt really stupid for about three seconds, and then I shrugged it off, cuz honestly, who is reading this anyway? This is more of a project for me than anything to post out in cyber-space.
Yesterday I was grateful for good flavored toothpaste. It sounds silly, but when you have to spend a few days using toothpaste that gets the job done, but leaves a taste in your mouth that almost makes you wish it didn't so that you could skip it all together, getting a toothpaste that is refreshing is pretty much the best thing ever. My curent preference is Crest Whitening with Scope, the Minty Fresh Striped version. No idea why, but it makes my teeth [and the rest of my mouth] very happy. Maybe I should be grateful for the bad tasting one, too, because otherwise I might not realize how great my normal toothpaste is!
Today I'm grateful for my dog Sammie. I spend much of my day in the quiet of my house and Sammie is always there for me to talk to and she'll just look up at me and wag her tail like it made her happy just to see me. And when I accidently trip over something in the dark on my way back from the bathroom in the middle of the night and step on her tail, she still likes me and waits for me to pet her. Yeah...she's a good dog.

Weekend Wrap-up

2009-11-09T09:25:00.002-05:00

I went to Tennessee this weekend to watch my sister swim and to visit my brother's family, so I couldn't do my grateful posts until today, so let's do that wrap up now, shall we?
Friday I was grateful for pillows. See, when we go to Tennessee, my parents like to go early in the morning so that we have more time when we get there. This time we left at 6 am, which was later than the last time we went. I basically rolled out of bed, threw on some normal-ish looking clothes, and promptly fell asleep in the car. I was very grateful for my pillow because when you are jammed in the back seat of the car and only half awake, a pillow makes the whole thing a lot less painful. It was almost really comfortable!
Saturday I was grateful for my niece Carly. I love that baby girl to pieces! She is so stinkin' cute and learning so much so quickly! We [my mom and I] got her to roll over twice when we baby sat that night and almost made her laugh [she's not quite doing that yet]. She has this huge grin that she only gives out once in a while and there is nothing like it! Just holding her and playing with her made my night and I would gladly do it any time!
Sunday I was grateful for music. Again with the long car ride, and I'm grateful I had my ipod because it made the trip go faster and not seem like such a bad thing. Now, I'll be even more grateful when I can start playing Christmas music because that is one of my all time favorite things in the whole world, but for the time being, regular music is pretty dang good as well.
So that's what I was grateful for over the weekend. It was a pretty fun weekend, too, and I'm really glad we did it. Now it's back to the grind and time to work hard until Thanksgiving...when I get to go back!

Sunshine and Sarah

2009-11-05T10:23:00.003-05:00

Today I'm grateful for sunshine. I can hardly think of a better way to wake up than to have the sun shining brightly through the trees and giving everything that warm golden glow. It made me smile just coming out of the bedroom and seeing how bright and sunny it was outside. And when the colors of fall are as beautiful as they are now, the bright sun makes them even more colorful and happy, and when the sky is the bright blue that it is.... Ugh, these are my favorite types of days. Bright, sunny fall days when it's cool, but the sun makes you warm anyway.

But even when it's not fall, the sunshine makes me happy. I adore those cold winter days when the sun is out and everything snow covered just shimmers in the sunlight. In the spring, the sunny days are perfect. In summer....well, it depends on the temperature, but most of the time, the sunshine makes the day wonderful.

I'm grateful for sunshine! I think I'll take a long walk today because of it.

~~~~~~~~

In other, more important news, it is my sister Sarah's birthday today!!! She's 22, and can I just say that it is so weird to have a younger sibling who is 22? But anyway...

Sarah is a very funny person. She has made our family laugh pretty much since the day she was born. I don't remember her back then, but we have her on video as a baby and we all love watching her in those days. Whether it's slapping her self in the eye with a towel or making strange noises or just making funny faces, she manages to brighten up every moment.

She was such a beautiful baby. In fact, our mother has commented that she was the prettiest, and none of us argue the fact. She has always had big beautiful eyes and a big smile. She's grown up into a beautiful lady, and I'm so happy she's my sister! She's been a great example to me and I am grateful that she was born today.

I love you, Sarah! Happy Birthday!

Heaters

2009-11-04T09:34:00.002-05:00

Today it's gonna be short, but that's ok.
I'm grateful for heaters. You know, the vents in the house? And when it's cold outside, the vents magically give off warmth at certain times. And if you're lucky, you can be there when it starts. The best thing is getting a blanket and laying down with your feet on the heater vent and tucking your feet into the blanket and then enjoying the warmth that travels up the length of you.
Truly glorious, and I am truly grateful.

My Robe

2009-11-03T09:22:00.003-05:00

My sister has decided that she is going to be specifically grateful for something every day of this month. I thought that was a good idea, and so I'm going to do that too.

Today I am grateful for my bathrobe. It was a Christmas present from my uncle Mike and aunt Audrey last year [officially, I think it was from one of their kids, but we all know who buys our presents, right?], and it is one of the most wonderful things I own. It's blue and soft and fuzzy, and on cold mornings like this one, it is the perfect thing to throw on for a few hours.

I've had robes before, but they weren't very good. This one is a masterpiece. It's made by Capelli New York and while I have no idea what that means, I am very VERY grateful for it. There's just something about stepping out of the shower and toweling off and then putting on a warm, soft robe that stops your shivers and goosebumps and makes you sigh in relief.

In this robe, I eat breakfast, drink hot chocolate, walk around in my slippers... I told you, I love it! I recommend it to any woman who likes robes, who likes fuzzy things, and who likes being warm and cozy.

Thank you, Mike and Audrey and whichever cousin officially gave it to me. Thank you, Capelli New York. Thank you, genius who decided that robes should be invented.

November!

2009-11-02T09:31:00.002-05:00

November is here! And because of that, I feel like I should post...
The first day of November, yesterday, was awesome. It started with a frost. That just makes me happy. I love frost. It's so pretty!!! Then, as if the first three minutes of my being awake couldn't get better, the heater was on. Let me explain something to you: I am the sort of person that LOVES having the heater on. I take blankets and go sit on the heater and get warm. I have always been that way and I'm pretty sure that I always will be. I LOVE heaters!
Anyway, then we had stake conference, which was FABULOUS. Best stake conference ever, I have no doubt. Then we went to some friends for dinner, and then came home and went for a walk, and it was a BEAUTIFUL day. Perfect walk weather.
And then...THEN.....as if the day couldn't be MORE better, there was a CES fireside with President Uchtdorf, whom I LOVE. He was funny, he was direct, and the Spirit was SO strong. It was the best CES fireside I have ever seen. I can't wait for the text to become available so I can read it again!
Anyway, that was just yesterday! I have no expectations of today, but what a way to begin a month! And November is so much fun already. I mean, I get to see New Moon in a few weeks, and I get to see Carly TWICE this month, it's Sarah's birthday THIS WEEK, and we get Thanksgiving and the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade [don't get me started, I LOVE that parade], and then it's my mommy's birthday, and somewhere around there we get our CHRISTMAS TREE!!!!
November is wonderful. It's brisk and cool and there is so much excitement as Thanksgiving and Christmas approach, and holiday shopping gets under way.....
Honestly, who doesn't love this month?

A Little Bit of Crazy

2009-10-17T11:37:00.003-04:00

I actually have a moment to breathe right now, so I'll enlighten you all on what has been going on.
Last weekend, I drove down to Waynesville, OH for the Saurkraut Festival. It's a HUGE two day event involving lots of adorable craft booths, beautiful paintings, and, yes, saurkraut. Lots and lots of saurkraut. I worked with my friends Lorrie, Susan, Alex, and Sherri at the booth for Mistletoe Memories, a company that makes handmade ornaments for Christmas and then we personalize them right there at the booth, and they are SOOOO cute! We've gotten one every year in my family. They are awesome! Look it up at mistletoememories.com.
Anywho, we set up on Friday, worked from 7:30 in the morning (a very COLD 7:30, I might add) til about 8:00 that night, then ran to Olive Garden, as is our tradition, and got take out, thanks to the many teenagers that had decided to patronize it for their homecoming meal. We were exhausted, drained, and very VERY happy to find our beds that night. Sunday was shorter -- only 8:00 to 6:00. Then we closed up shop, packed everything into our two mini-vans, and headed back to Indiana. I got in at about 11:30. Needless to say, I collapsed into bed.
The rest of the week was mostly uneventful, just working and studying.
Thursday I got into my little car, drove 6 and a half hours to Kirksville, MO, and have been staying with my former college roommate Stephanie, now going to med school and well on her way to becoming a doctor. We've been having a splendid time and it's been really fun getting back to old times.
But when I come back on Monday, it will be back to the grind. There is work to be done!
In other news, my darling neice is growing every week. I haven't seen her in a long time, and she's not my snuggly little newborn any more. Now she's ...well,...more of a baby, I suppose. She's almost 10 weeks old, and I'll get to see her at the end of the month, and I am so excited!!!!
So that's my life at the moment. Some work, some fun, some more work, and some more fun!

Oops

2009-10-04T14:10:00.001-04:00

Ok, so maybe I shouldn't try to understand things at 3 in the morning.

I only missed finalling by 25 points. Still, it's a chunk, but it is a right sight better than 40!

Still a bit down, but I can find some comfort food, and we'll take care of that.

A Moment of Pity

2009-10-04T03:03:00.003-04:00

It is very late at night, and I am exhausted, but I just got an email about the results of a contest...
I didn't final. I was about 40 points from finalling.
40. That's a lot.
I love my manuscript, and I worked hard to get it as good as I could before sending it in. Yet they found so many things they didn't like.
I feel crushed, at the moment, but it'll pass, I'm sure, and I'll look more deeply at what they said and work it through AGAIN. But one of the judges was published...and she hated it.
One judge loved it. She gave me a REALLY good score.
The other was half and half. She was the most helpful.
I know that tastes are different, but how different? I know I need to just believe in myself and in my work, but when no one else does, it is hard to.

Moment of pity, please, because right now, I need it.

Me and My Movies

2009-10-01T09:33:00.006-04:00

I have a problem. [And everyone always says that admitting it is the hardest part, so I'm doing good.] I am addicted to movies. I dream in movie form, I write in movie form, I quote movies [and DANG WELL, if I might be so bold], and I posess the ability to replay entire scenes, and in some cases entire movies, all from the comfort of my head. [No comments about a psych ward, please.]

And I'm not picky, either. I love the basic chick flicks and have an absurd fixation on Regency England films. I love WWII movies. I love sports movies. I love old classics. I love big action movies. I love romantic comedies. I love Disney. I love mysteries. I love the mini series. I love musicals. I love the epic adventure. I love the movies based on historical events.

Confused and astounded? Try living in my head!

But each of the movies I adore so much have their rightful place. I am one of those people that has to have something going on while studying or writing or just plan old cleaning. In cases like those, a movie that I know well enough that I don't have to watch to know what is happening is my choice. If studying, something gentle, say Sense and Sensibility with Emma Thompson, Kate Winslet, Hugh Grant, and Alan Rickman is a good choice. If writing, Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle is a favorite, but any romantic movie will do. If cleaning,...well, the spectrum is a bit broader there.

As you all know, I live with my parents right now. They have LOTS of movies. It's great. But I still buy the movies I want for myself because I know I won't live with them forever and I need my movies when I move! It's quite funny, actually.

I didn't know that my tastes were so vast until someone mentioned it to me. Apparently, it's impressive. I don't know about that, but the fact is, plain and simple, I love movies.

I love the story in movies, seeing the change in the characters, the challenges they must face to get to the resolution, and how they get from point A to point Q, so to speak. It's like watching a book....but the addition of special effects and music brings it so much life!

TANGENT ALERT: The music in movies...ugh, I love the music in movies. It sets the stage so well, capturing the emotions of everybody in the movie and out, making us all feel what they feel. As you all know, I cry in movies all the time. My sisters have confessed to placing bets on it. But what some people don't know is that often, it is the combination of story and music that sets me off. If it was just the story or just the music, I might [and I emphasize MIGHT because, hey, you never know] not cry at all. I am a sucker for soundtracks and I adore setting soundtracks for my own books so that I can try to put more of the magic I feel in movies into my pages.

AND NOW BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BLOG POST...

So yeah, I love movies. Going to the movie rental place is like visiting a treasure room. I have to prepare myself before going, or I will rent 20. Going to the library is a little better and a little worse. Better because there is not as much of a selection as the movie rental place. Worse because they are free....

Going to movies....Oh my gosh, I ADORE going to movies. I love the darkened room with the comfy seats. I love the popcorn [....ok, I REALLY love the popcorn, let's be honest] and the candy and the drinks. I love the surround sound. I LOVE IT. And the midnight showing of the opening night is THE BEST because NO ONE has seen it!!!

In college, there was a dollar theater that played movies a few weeks after they hit the regular ones. That was a dangerous place for me. I'll see just about anything for $1. If it was a terrible movie, at least I had popcorn! If it was great, AWESOME!

Another funny quirk is that I have no favorites. I mean, I do, but I don't. I do not have one absolute favorite movie. I can't! There's too many! I can give you a top five...per genre... Oh, sure, if you ask me which one movie I would take on desert island, I'd tell you, but why would a desert island have electricity and a DVD player???

But yeah, there's no telling what movie I will like and not like. People try and guess, but it seems that only I really know...

What Makes Us Who We Are?

2009-09-25T16:18:00.002-04:00

What differentiates us from each other? Why do I cry all the time, but my best friend hardly ever does? Why do some people get mad quickly and others never seem to? What makes some people eat when they're stressed instead of smashing something like others? Why do some people have a guilty conscience and others have none? Why are some people so amazingly spiritual and others just...there? Why are some people brave while others cower in fear? Why is one person kind and sweet and bubbly while the other is cruel and bitter and harsh? Why do some like rock music and others like opera? Why chocolate instead of fruity?
Are we all really so very different? What MAKES us that way?
I was hanging out with a friend the other night and we have known each other for years. But we got into some deep conversation and we discovered that we are very much alike. Not in obvious ways that everyone can see, but in ways that only we can see, things we don't share with other people. It took one of us trusting the other and letting out some deep things, and suddenly the other was taking a hand and saying, "Seriously? That's me, too." And we kept going, and we kept finding things that we had in common.
But anyone looking at us would not see them.
So it made me curious...how many other people are really like me on the deep inside, but I can't see it? How many people are the exact opposite in truth?
I don't know. I guess I'll have to start digging, huh?
What do you think? What makes us who we are?

Life

2009-09-11T09:13:00.002-04:00

This week I have been reminded of how short life is. A woman who I knew when I was a young teenager and whose mother is good friends with mine passed away on Wednesday after battling AML Leukemia. She had been doing so well, amazing, really, considering she was carrying her fourth child when diagnosed and delivered him healthy and strong, and for the past 10 months has been fighting so hard. But because of the weakness of her body, she was susceptible to infection, which is what brought her to the end of her life. She leaves her husband and four young children behind, the oldest is maybe 6.
It does not seem fair to have someone so young be taken. She was a wonderful mother and the rock in her extended family. She was an example to us all, and a friend to everyone. There was so much for her to do still, the least of which would be raising those children, giving them memories of their mother and teachings to live by. But my worrying self cannot help but feel anxious for her husband. How can he support and raise four children without her?
Needless to say, I cried for a while when I found out. I know that families are eternal and transcend the grave, but the pain is still there. Comfort is to be found, yes, but the hurt is not gone. Not when it's like this.
I am learning that God knows what He is doing, that we need to trust in Him. We won't understand all the time, and sometimes it will seem like we never do, but if we have faith that God's will is being done, we may have enough of a measure of peace that we can get through.
This life is short. Let us fill it when the best things, so that when it is over, whenever it is over, it might be said of us, "Their life was lived to the fullest."
God bless you, Annie, and watch over your husband and children. Thank you for being in our lives.

Vanity

2009-09-08T09:46:00.003-04:00

I was watching a few movies this weekend while my parents were out of town [it was actually quite a lot] and I realized something. If we look back at my previous post, I talked about finding the person who is right for you forever and not settling for the moment. I forgot to mention that keeping that love, that marriage working takes more than being perfect for each other and being together for the right reasons. It takes selflessness and the desire to work every day, among other things. Just getting the people and the place right does not mean happily ever after.
The first movie I'll mention was Vanity Fair. Becky Sharp was born poor, the daughter of an artist and a French opera singer. Hardly proper birth for the time. But she was determined to move up in the world. She became a governess to a moderately wealthy family and fell in love with the second son, who nearly worshipped her. They married and were disinherited by the family for her background. But they had love and each other, and Becky's determination to rise up from their surroundings. Unfortunately, that determination was not as much for her family as for herself. Through her near-desperation, she ruins her marriage and her life, losing her husband because he can't stand to live with her further for the pain and losing her son because she is deemed not fit to raise him. Ultimately, she does become famous...but not in the way that she had desired. Her vanity and pride ruined what could have been a wonderful marriage and life as a family, and she ended up alone.
The second movie was Gone With The Wind. Scarlett O'Hara is desperately in love with Ashley Wilkes, and it does not matter to her that he is engaged, for she knows that she is the woman he truly loves. She hates his fiance, though she is a wonderful, kind woman. As the Civil War approaches, Ashley is going to leave to fight, and in a desperate attempt to make him jealous, she marries his new brother-in-law. Charles dies quickly in the war, and Scarlett is forced to mourn him. She resents the restrictions placed on her, and thrives on attention. As the war ends, her family home and fortune are in ruins and her family nearly starves. In order to save her home, she marries her sister's intended, takes over his business and becomes even more hardened and embittered against ever being poor and hungry again. Her second husband dies as he defends her honor, and she quickly remarries the man who has loved her the whole time, the dashing Rhett Butler. But Scarlett still is selfish and spoiled and cannot see the love from her husband or the love she has for him because of her blindness until it is too late. He leaves her at the end, and when she asks him what she is to do, what is to become of her, he gives her the immortal words, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."
Vanity was the downfall of what could have been. The inability to think of others or to see beyond their own nose destroyed lives and loves and marriages. How many stories in reality are like this? How many lives and loves and marriages have been ruined because someone lost sight of what mattered, because they forgot about the whole picture and only saw the part?
This life is a journey and yes, it is our own, but that does not mean we must do it alone. We should not do it alone. We cannot. And the more we try, the further behind we will fall.

What really matters?

2009-08-28T18:26:00.001-04:00

I was reading a book a few months ago, where the hero and heroine began their acquaintence fighting. It was her independence matched against his arrogance, her curiosity against his privacy, her life of laughter against his life of misery. So why were they matched together? Why were two opposites supposed to be the perfect fit? By all accounts, it should have been ludicrous. They had absolutely nothing in common, not a single thing. He was a weathly, lonely spy who sincerely hated his life. She was a fine lady, who hated the propriety forced upon her. Not exactly an ideal match.
Yet, when he was literally ordered to spend time with her, he found her lightness, her wit and spirit and laughter, to be exactly the cure he needed for his dreary life. And his hidden depths mystified her, and slowly, very slowly, I can assure you, they found passion and love and joy in each other. Naturally, there was the physical element of attraction as well, but that's besides the point.
But here's what I am getting at. When he proposed to her, or rather, when he asked her father for her hand, he said this: "I love your daughter, sir, and I like her very much as well."
That struck me and I put my book down and stared out at nothing. He loved her, but he liked her. Some people might find that redundant or stupid.
I find that the most romantic thing he could have said.
Years ago, a woman my parents knew told them that she always gave this advice to young men she knew: "When you get married, make sure that you honestly, genuinely like this girl as a person. If you don't, when hard times come, when the fights come,"[here she always added "and they will"], "it will be rather difficult to remember that you love each other when you don't even like each other."
I've always remembered that. And I think it is a very important truth. Too often in these days, I think that women look for love and passion and gratification. They look for someone for the time being.
Why are we selling ourselves short? Why not search for someone who enjoys being with us? Someone who knows what will make us laugh and go to extraordinary ends to see that we do. Someone who we are friends with, who lets us cry when we need to and won't freak out, who will be totally stupid with us and not care, someone who understands us, even if only a little [give him a break, he is a man, after all, so we cannot expect omnipotence]. Why not enjoy an entire lifetime of being blissful instead of a few moments of happy?
Don't get me wrong, I am a huge spokesperson for love. Real, true, deep, and abiding love, the kind that poets write about. I believe that settling for mediocre shouldn't happen, that no woman should give up on dreams. But love needs to be founded in the right way. Not in looks or body types, [though I also insist that physical attraction is important], but in the personality, in the way they treat us, in the person they are underneath everything exterior.
For example, anyone who knows Jane Austen knows Sense and Sensibility. Let us look back to Colonel Brandon and Willoughby. Willoughby was the handsomer man, young and muscular, while Colonel Brandon was an older man, who had seen and felt much. Yet in character, Willoughby was a monster, and Colonel Brandon was kind, gentle, and caring. Marianne fell for the same foolish trick that the rest of women do, vying for the attentions of the more attractive man while ignoring the other.
Now, I know that physical beauty is important, and I am a bit picky myself in looks, but all I'm saying is that looks are not the most important thing. Nor is the passion we may feel with someone the most important.
What really matters? That a man be more interested in who we are than in what we are. And that we do him the same courtesy.

There's a Map for That...

2009-08-18T17:51:00.011-04:00

I know you have all been dying to hear about my wedding extravaganza and wondering what has taken me so long. I can hear you all now...."What has she been doing??? I mean, for cryin' out loud, it is TUESDAY, almost WEDNESDAY. I can't sleep until I hear everything!!!"
Well, my dears, let me explain.... No, there is too much. Let me sum up:
There was a wedding. I went. There was a reception. I came home. I went to reception #2. I came home. The end.

No? Ok, I'll bite. (Although it really is too much...)
Wednesday I drove to Cincy to stay the night with the groom's family. I was riding to DC with them and we were leaving at dark thirty. So I see George spreading papers all over the kitchen table. And I mean ALL OVER. And I, being without pretenses, said, with my natural eloquence, "Holy Crap!" And then I looked closely....they were maps. Lots and lots of maps. His explanation? "This is how we engineers do things."

Well, that worked for me. Thursday at dark thirty on the dot we left for our humongously long trek. Thanks to George, I not only had directions, but a lot of detailed maps! Every leg of the journey was mapped out. This made my job as Navigator of Car #2 very nice. The drive was actually fun, I am still surprised to admit. Amazing what good company [and a little caffiene] can do for roadtrips! We got to DC and all vowed never to enter an automobile again [which, sadly, did not last long], and went to Hotel #1. [There were four that various parties were staying in. I was at #4] Other members of the groom's family arrived, bringing with them the most adorable children ever created [my own niece excepted. she is the most of all. duh.] After a very exciting dinner at a mall, a journey to miraculously find a white shirt someone forgot [I almost got a badge of honor for that one], and a rousing game of musical cars, I got to my hotel at 9:30ish. I think that was the earliest anyone actually got to their places, as a meeting with the bride's parents, a trip to the airport, and yet more musical cars games were going on with other wedding party members.
Friday dawned early. What can I say, I am a female and we pull out all the stops when it matters most. I woke 2 hours before I had to meet anyone. I showered, and waited, then dried my hair, put product in, and waited, then straightened, then waited, then makeup. Maybe I should explain a few things here: my hair is awful. If I blow dry too soon, it will frizz out of control. If I straighten too soon after drying, it won't last. So yes, the waiting was important. And I am not a huge makeup person, but I went all out. Hey, it's a wedding. ANYWAY, then I went to breakfast with the other people in Hotel #4 and we ate [delicately for me...I had my reception dress to think about], then left for the wedding. We didn't have to pick up the people from Hotel #3 as previously planned, so we went straight to the ceremony. The white shirt was delivered, the bride and groom arrived, and still I had no children to watch... Nerves were flying. The group from Hotel #2 HAD to be on time for the ceremony!!! Then I got a call that they were running late and I should meet them with the other sitters in the front. So when a silver van screeched into a parking spot and four beleaguered wedding party members spilled out, waved 'hi' and 'bye' in the same wave, and ran inside, I was ready and jumped in the driver's seat. A nice little jaunt took place, for which there WAS NO MAP, terrifyingly enough, and when all children had woken, we went back and waited.

Me with Child #3. SO CUTE!

Child #2 with her uncle, Brother #5

Child #1, playing hide and seek.

Soon enough, the deed was done, and the picture taking could commence. We'll skip the part about the crappy fit of the tuxes and how only two of the boys had ones that fit [honestly, why take measurements when they aren't going to cut them right, I'll never know]. There was much bribery for keeping smiles and pretending we all still liked each other amidst heat and sweat and blisters, and the children were worse. Luckily, the photographers were efficient and we all got to leave...except for my friends, the bride and groom. Oh, no, they couldn't go. I wonder why I even like weddings....They had the longest, hottest, most tiring day ever! But they were good sports and it got done. Then we had a luncheon....it was fabulous. One of our friends had the good fortune to spill marinara on his only white shirt, and so another run to the mall was made. Lucky it wasn't one of the tuxed guys. Then there was more picture taking at the bride's house and, to quote myself, HOLY CRAP. Never in my whole life have I been to a house I coveted to this extreme. I played with the babies most of this time, and enjoyed it IMMENSELY. Then I made a quick stop [thanks peeps at Hotel #4] to change into my FA-ABULOUS outfit [yes, it fit perfectly!!! no more diet!] for the reception at the Ritz, as seen below. Yes, you read that right. Ritz. As in Carlton. Jealous? I walk in and a waiter with a tray asked me if I wanted sparkling water. Oh, the night was good. It proceeded as most receptions do, the bride and groom came, danced, smiled, looked happy and in love and made the whole room jealous that we were not they...the servers asking if we wanted more beef Wellington or crab cakes...the dessert bar....Ah, receptions are great. Once we had tossed rose petals on the bride and groom as they made their escape for their pre-honeymoon [they didn't leave for Jamaica until today], we ourselves went back to the hotels and slept, our feet throbbing under the bed covers.
Saturday was not as early, but there was a fire alarm at Hotel #4. That was great. Yeah, no. But it was over, there was no fire, so I could check out in peace and get back into the car, far more crowded on this trip than the last, and spend 9 hours entertaining the greatest 3 year old ever. We went through a LOT of DVDs. But we giggled too. Construction traffic slowed us a bit [which was odd, as no construction was occuring] but we DID make it back to Cincy. I was not about to head back home after that, so I bunked out on a couch....after staying up until 2:30 with Lori watching Steel Magnolias and waiting for car #2, whose passengers had done a bit of sight-seeing in DC before leaving.

Sunday I came home...and crashed on the couch, watching Out of Africa and Princess Bride. I slept, fitfully, got up the next morning and worked a bit, then got in the car with Mom and drove BACK to Cincy for the last reception. The food was good, the company better, and my friends, the bride and groom, still looked happy and in love. If after all of this they can manage to do that, I have very high hopes indeed.

I know why I love weddings. It reminds me that even though this world is going to the toilets, love and eternity are still important to us. It's a crazy time making it all work, but at the end of it, when the rose petals are settled, the garters thrown, and the last beef wellington consumed, everything, even those nasty blisters and exhausting roadtrips, everything was worth it.

And I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

I'M AN AUNT!!!

2009-08-11T10:52:00.003-04:00

That's right, folks! My lovely sister-in-law Erin delievered a healthy baby girl yesterday at 12:53. She was 7 lbs 8 oz, about 20 inches long, and she has a LOT of adorable strawberry blonde hair. Erin and Baby Carly are doing well and I cannot wait to see her in person, but that will have to wait until next weekend because I have a wedding to go to and other babies to play with. But my little Carly is the most beautiful baby in the whole world and I don't care who argues with me. I win.

This is the best picture I have at the moment. Isn't she beautiful???

Thanks, Erin, for blessing our family with this little girl. AHHHHH, I can't wait to hold her! Aunt Becky is gonna be the favorite, mark my words!

This just in...

2009-07-31T13:59:00.001-04:00

The situation has been resolved. I am going to the wedding, and at a really great price, and we're currently on the hunt for my outfit!!!

Oh, and I'm back in the writing field. Major renovations are occuring, and then I'll share more. Have a fabulous day!

Grrrrrrr

2009-07-30T13:13:00.002-04:00

I have decided that money is stupid. I want to go to a friend's wedding and unless some miracle occurs, I can't go. Problem is I have known this friend since I was 3. And I met his finace a few months ago and we've grown really close too so it's like 2 awesome friends marrying each other and I might not be able to go. Yeah, ok, so there's a reception in Cincy a few days later, but that's not the same thing ESPECIALLY when the bride specifically asked me to come to the wedding and the other reception that night. But you know, DC is not the cheapest place to travel to. And I happen to be excessively poor.
Anyway, I have decided that to make me feel better, I'm going to post a bit of my writing on here and let whoever the heck still reads my blog hash at it and tell me what gives. I may do this for a while, but it's my blog, so I can. And I have an idea for a fun little challenge coming up...assuming people still read this....
We'll start off gently with a prologue. Now, the key here is to catch the reader's attention and make them want to keep reading. If I fail at that, then it doesn't work for the story and must be revised. So your job, reader, is to let me know.
Here we go:
Staffordshire, June 1803
Andrew Birkham had never really put much stock into stars.
Oh, he enjoyed gazing at them and finding constellations well enough, but as to the wishing upon them and believing they held some sort of enchantment, he was all skepticism.
But the summer of his sixteenth year, something changed his opinion only slightly, just enough to make the stars seem a little magical after all.
That something was Rebecca Dumate.
She was the cheeky scamp who lived at Marshall Hall, a mere three miles from his family’s newly purchased Benbridge estate. He met her at the dinner party hosted by her parents, but did not really notice her until they, along with their respective brothers, had begged out of the boring conversations to follow the meal and escaped to explore the night sky.
Little Rebecca had situated herself at the very end of the row of blankets and immediately commenced in her own explorations, ignoring what anyone else was doing and, apparently, perfectly content in her own thoughts.
From the little he knew about the eleven year old, he suspected she was most likely imagining all sorts of girlish nonsense. All else he knew was that she was wickedly fast and that she could be quite the hellion, if her brothers could be believed.
But something about the way her bright eyes scanned the sky so eagerly, the small smile that played on her face, and the sprinkling of freckles across the bridge of her nose enchanted him a little. He moved to take the blanket next to her, to which she had no reaction.
“And what thoughts occupy your mind so completely, Miss Rebecca?” he asked quietly, turning his head to look at her.
She jumped slightly and looked up at him with wide eyes. Then she bit her lip and lowered them in embarrassment. “I—I was trying to find a star to wish upon.”
He knew it. And yet, for the first time, it did not seem quite so ridiculous.
“Don’t be such a girl, Rebecca!” her brother Edward chortled from the other side of him.
Andrew felt the odd desire to punch his new friend when he caught the flash of hurt that crossed the girl’s face. Could her own brother not see what she was feeling?
Then her other brother proposed a constellation challenge and all was apparently forgotten as she returned her attention to the task at hand with enthusiasm.
But Andrew was not so easily distracted. When the time came to return to the house, something compelled him to pull the girl aside.
“Pick out your star, Rebecca,” he urged gently.
She beamed up at him, warming his heart slightly, and turned to find one. Quickly she pointed at a bright one in the southern sky. He bent down to her level and peered at it, nodding thoughtfully.
“Very good. Now, you must wish upon it whenever you can, but you must never tell the wish, or else it cannot come true.” Wasn’t that the proper wishing etiquette? He sincerely hoped so, he did not want to make a fool of himself in front of this charming child.
But Rebecca nodded obediently and relief washed over him. He grinned down at her, then ran to join the boys in the house. He’d remember that star and should he ever notice it again, perhaps he would think about the little girl and wonder what her wishes were and if they were coming true.
If Andrew Birkham had, however, noticed the expression on young Rebecca Dumate’s face as he departed, he might not have been so keen as to wonder about the content of her wishes.
Indeed, he would not have had to wonder at all.

Hope and Inspiration

2009-07-13T23:51:00.005-04:00

Well, today felt like a really long day, even though compared to a lot of people it probably wasn't. I had four massages, which isn't a lot at all, but when you're out of practice like I am, that many can be draining. I am starting to feel very overwhelmed and burdened down by all of the things I have yet to do and what is ahead of me, and all of those wonderful things that accompany entering the adult and business world. I have been depressed and discouraged and mostly unwilling to face what I have to. It's not been pretty or fun and I know I've been a wretch with my family, but I couldn't seem to find my way out of it.

But amidst my massages today, I caught sight of a show my sisters were sort of watching on TV. America's Got Talent.

Now, I had seen all the youtube videos on Paul Potts and Susan Boyle and that adorable six year old from awhile ago on Britain's Got Talent, but I can honestly say that I never cared about the talent America had. Must be the die-hard Brit that pretends to live within me. Yeah, America's got talent, but most of it's crap. And I never understood how Sharon Osbourne and David Hasselhoff were qualified to identify talent, but that's another deal.

But today, I got a breather from this show and what a message it was to me. Watch this video of Lawrence Beaman. He's a delivery guy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5Mg7MUxIbI

Absolutely amazing. I had chills all over the place. I was literally transfixed, staring at the tv in the living room, hand to my heart, mouth gaping.

And I couldn't get it out of my mind. So, being the curious, must-know being that I am, I wanted to watch it again online. I went to the nbc website, watched it, then something ELSE caught my eye. Another story that I want to share with you all. It changed my attitude entirely.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDRsxMMqAEU

I love what she says there: When you have hope, you keep going. I didn't have any, and that was the problem. Just because my life now isn't what I had planned doesn't mean that it's going to be awful. I can still do all those things that I've dreamed of doing. It just might take a little more time.

And that's ok...finally.

Thank heaven for moments of inspiration.

Ok, time for the rundown

2009-07-06T14:17:00.003-04:00

Hi y'all.
Remember me? Prolly not, but that's ok. It's my own fault. Life has been crazy with me trying to get everything done that I needed to and now that I have time to breathe, I can fill everyone in.
Since passing my exam, I have been filling out lots of paperwork trying to get licensed in Indiana and getting my scores set and setting up my business so that I can have an income and eventually move to my own place and be independent again. It's slow, which is frustrating, and it makes me anxious, which isn't good, but there is not much I can do about that.
I needed a break, and so I went for a little jaunt to St. Louis to visit my college roomie Steph and her family and it was AWESOME. A touch hot and mroe than a touch humid, but we had a great time and it was just the vacay I needed. I went to the zoo, the art museum, a few bookstores, the City Museum [a MUST for anyone going there...it's a playground for big kids!], the Arch, and two movies, not to mention the fabulous array of foods I partook of. Ah, it was bliss, and suffice it to say, I was not excited to come back home.
But my sister Sarah is here for a bit, working church summer camps and generally making us all a little crazier, which is so much fun! Then last week, my brother and his VERY pregnant wife came up for the 4th and Erin's baby shower, so we had whole family here for a few days. Wow, did this house get small quickly. We used to all fit, I swear. We played games, went shopping, felt the baby hiccup...and then the shower came on Friday. Wow, did Erin ever SCORE! Some of our family came down from Chi-town and we laughed A LOT. Good times, good times. I can't wait to be an aunt.
And since Erin is so far along, we couldn't really go anywhere for a fireworks show, and honestly, none of us wanted to. But lucky us, our neighbors got together with some other people in the next neighborhood over and shot off some totally CRAZY fieworks right there next to us so we got a show on our deck for free! It was so COOL. Best fireworks ever, hands down. I almost wrote them a check.
Now the house is quiet again. Jen swims at Nationals tomorrow and Wed with a shot at the World Champ team, so who knows what's coming next.
As for me, I'm still trying to find my place around here. I haven't written in ages[very sad, I know, but I haven't lost anything...I hope...], mostly because I don't feel like I can just sit and do it. I feel like I have to actively be doing something, but there is nothing to do. I feel assured that things will work out, I just don't know when or how...
And THAT is what terrfies the heck out of me.

Sorry

2009-07-01T21:03:00.002-04:00

Sorry, guys, things have been nutty and I have not had the time to catch everyone up on my life. And I don't have the time now either...
So, here's what I'll do. I will promise that before July 7th, you will all know exactly what I've been doing since my last post and I will even throw in some pictures. I can promise no earlier dates because my family is all going to be together [YAY!!!] for the 4th and so obviously, I will not be spending my precious family time blogging...I don't think....

Love to you all, and I'll chat as soon as I can breathe again!

IT'S OVER!!!!

2009-06-15T11:27:00.002-04:00

I am now taking in a HUGE breath, and then letting it all out in an even BIGGER sigh of relief. This morning I was in Terre Haute, Indiana [not one of the world's most exotic places, but my hotel bed was heavenly] taking the National Certification Exam for Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork. No pressure or anything, I just had to pass this puppy in order to have my job. Failing would require either retaking, or finding yet another new career. I have been so nervous the past three days and freaking myself out about the whole thing.
Last night, before going to bed, I turned on the TV and watched the tail end of Rocky Balboa...that's a good movie, people. There was a line in there that I kept repeating to myself all morning: "It's not how hard you can hit, it's how hard you can get hit and get back up." Well, I'd been hit pretty hard over the past year or so, metaphorically speaking [don't want any of you thinking I suffer under abuse of any kind...], and so I just said, "Ok, Beck, get back up."
Well,......... I did.
Let me say that a little clearer:
I DID IT!
I PASSED!
I'M NATIONALLY CERTIFIED!!!
---------------
Didja get that, people? Yeah, I'm a little excited. More than a little relieved. It's been a long road, and it will probably continue to be long and more than a little slow at the beginning, but that's the way it goes.
AND the Penguins won the Stanley Cup. Seriously, awesome week.

Now I'll have time to get back to my true love.....WRITING!!!! Oh, I've missed it. And don't worry, I'll share little bits with you all. I know you've been anxious for it, too....
And if you haven't been, humor me.

Come November, Come

2009-06-02T18:57:00.003-04:00

I don't usually get excited for that particular month this early in the year, though I do enjoy November for varying reasons. For one, the beginning is usually gloriously colorful out here in the Mid-west, and even in Utah, before it snowed all the time, the mountainside looked heavenly in its autumn rainbow shades. Secondly, it gets cold. Odd, I know, but I LOVE the cold. Siblings, stop laughing. I said cold, not freezing in snow with poorly insulated gloves. I love bundling up and snuggling with blankets and feeling that the tip of your nose is starting to tingle. Not freezing through to the very slight amount of bone there, for that joy belongs to January, which just might be a godforsaken month, but that slight nip. Thirdly, thanks to number 2, it is a perfect month for my hot chocolate addiction to rear its lovely head. Yes, this is a good thing. Fourthly, Thanksgiving. Lots of food, dessert, naps, and laughing. What else is there? Oh yeah, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. I watch it every year. I love it. And then that night we watch Scrooge, and suddenly it's Christmas time!!!

Yes, November is a glorious month normally.

But I want it here now.

Why, you ask?

Well I'll tell you.

[Shuddering sigh] This just made my day. And the trailer I saw on youtube yesterday made my day. And this also made my day:

But I may save this splendor for tomorrow, so it can make that day too.

Yes, I love Twilight. I do, I can't help it and I am not ashamed of it. I am not one of those crazy teens who dreams of marrying Edward Cullen [tho it does sound kinda fun], and I don't go to those crazy release parties [or if I do, it's RIGHT when it ends so I can get the book and go]. Why, to show my devotion to that final book, I got a concussion.

True story.

But I loved the first movie. Yes, it was different than the book, but guess what? Most movies are. They are a director's interpretation of that book, so deal with it. If you want to see the book, go get one. Besides, they had enough in it that it could still be called loyal and I adored the artistic vibe coming from it. How you could just feel the awkward moments because of camera shots and music or lack thereof. How you could see different points of view in brief moments with the same skill. LOVE. True artistry. And I think the actors are well chosen and fabulous.

So yes, I am DYING to see New Moon. So much emotional turmoil and heartbreak and loneliness and danger and undying love and torment....totally my kinda thing. I'll bring an entire box of Kleenex to go with my large popcorn, large drink, and candy on opening night.

And you know what? I'm ok with slight changes, should they be made. I'm ok with cheesy lines and funky camera shots and music. I'm ok with the vampires and the werewolves and the human girl who seems to annoy most everybody else [and sometimes she seems a little too like me, if you know what I mean].

Because it's a movie about a book that I love. It is not the book. It is the movie.

My name is Becky and I like Twilight.

A lot.

[You should really watch the trailer on youtube...NOW!]

Graduation Day

2009-05-22T10:11:00.002-04:00

And there was MUCH rejoicing. MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCHO rejoicing. We're talking heavenly choirs WITH the heavenly orchestra.
Oh yeah, it's big.
I don't know how many of you ever knew how trying this experience has been for me, and I won't go into any details because IT'S OVER!!!! and it doesn't really matter at this point, but it was been one of the most difficult things I have ever had to go through for a number of reasons. I had just failed my athletic training exam [a few times] and wasn't even sure what I was supposed to be doing with my life, but this seemed like a good option so I went with it. Needless to say, I have had some really interesting experiences with fellow students and teachers and other people that I came in contact with [if this were a private blog, you would know a WHOLE lot more...let's just say it was immediately evident that I weren't in Utah no more, Toto...]. I can safely say that I am so happy and relieved to be able to put all of this behind me and move on to my own career, which looks to be promising already.
To answer those questions that I know are burning in your minds:
1) No, we aren't wearing cap and gowns
2) No, we aren't marching to Pomp and Circumstance
3) Yes, it is in a hotel conference room
4) Yes, most of the graduates will be drunk before, during, and/or after the ceremony
5) Oh yeah, and some of the teachers, too
6) No, I am not going to graduation parties. I prefer to spend time with my own moderately sane family, thanks
7) State boards are in a week and a half in Columbus and should be really interesting, as I hear the program final I just took is harder
8) National Boards come sometime soon, I won't know until I actually get my application in, which I can't do until tomorrow
9) Yes, I am moving back to Lafayette, IN soon after state boards and living with my parents until I can afford a place of my own
10) No, you cannot have a free massage. Now that I'm done, you all must pay......
[If, however, you wish to pay in means other than US currency, we might be able to work out something...]

So, after I finish work today, I am GRADUATING....AGAIN! Hopefully, this is the last time, but I really cannot promise that at this point. I'll keep you all informed as things develop.

Oh, and assuming something rather hilarious or embarrassing or noteworthy or shocking happens tonight (which it might), you'll all hear about it, I promise. [Bites lip in apprehension] I really need to get out of this place. Toodles!

A swift kick in the pants

2009-05-11T19:36:00.002-04:00

There is something so very grating and relieving [yes, quite at the same time] about someone shoving something into your face and then, after you've seen it, smacking you over the head with it. In my case, it was a few people from unexpected quarters. One was my sister, who never fails to listen to my tearful pathetic completely emotional breakdowns and then making me laugh about how pathetic my stupid emotional breakdown is, but only after she has expressed concern for my imgained situation and vowed to fix it herself. Who is the older sister? I forget more and more every day.
Then I watched a movie that I really REALLY wanted to see when it was in the theater, but I missed it, which really made me angry, as it was filmed in London the same time I was there. But, during my aforementioned pathetic and emotional breakdown, I bought it since it was just released. Last Chance Harvey. I watched it today and boy oh boy did I relate, in my own self-pitying way to Dustin Hoffman's character. But by the end of the movie, I found that I was quite a different character. I've always wanted to be Emma Thompson, and for the first time, I finally was. I saw myself in her in so many ways, and in all of the wrong ones. And I realized that my breakdown, which was brought on by NUMEROUS things, I'll have everyone know, was really just me forgetting that with all of the expectations and plans and worries and fears, I also have to live. I have forgotten to live.
Then there was the unexpected twist of hearing from some friends that literally would not let me be the pitiful excuse for a person I've tried to be. Bless you, friends, for slapping me with reason and belief and helping me to see the light again. What was the straw that broke the camel's back is now the layer of hay and bits covering the muddy patch that I step over on my way to other things.
And while I may have my pathetic breakdowns, as I surely will, I know that I will always have people to turn to who will buoy me up and help me to stand so that I can learn to walk again.
Now I have to go write to Emma Thompson, as I don't believe she follows this blog on a regular basis...

Hmmm...

2009-05-08T23:55:00.003-04:00

Today I recieved the scores from a romance writing contest that I entered back in November in which I did not final. Looking at the scores now, I can see that I was not even close. Here's how it worked: I sent five partial manuscripts to the contest and one full manuscript, which would only be read if I finaled. Five judges would rate the partial [along with the synopsis] from 1 to 10, with 10 being 'totally amazing, ought to be published now' and 1 being 'why are you a writer, not good enough for toilet seat covers'. Now granted, the ratings are subjective according to the judge's taste, but in general, they are a standard to go by.
My scores: 2.5, 7, 5.5, 5.5, and 8.
What does that mean? No clue.
But here's my thing: I love this story. It's my second one and in my opinion, it was the best written one that I'd done. I actually thought that I might have a chance at this, but, silly Becky, nobody in today's world wants to read sentimental drivel that has no pointless fornication scene depicted in descriptive, unmistakeable terms. Why should you think that something so PG would be something people would like?
Well...because it is. For every five people that love the racey stuff, I seem to find one that doesn't. Too bad none of those people are the ones who can get me published, but whatever. I won't deny that it was a brutal crushing blow to see that 2.5 score. I thought there had been some mistake, that couldn't be MY book they were talking about on here. My book is funny and witty and makes you happy and something I am terribly proud of. Kubler Ross Stage of Grief 1: Denial. Check.
Then I thought all sorts of evil, mean, vicious thoughts about that judge who gave me that score. What does she know, she wouldn't know a good romance if it slapped her in the face with a 2 by 4. I didn't want her to read my book anyway. Stage of grief 2: Anger. Check.
Then I thought that she must have misunderstood it. Maybe I should contact the people at the contest and explain why I wrote the way I did, why it was so clean in such a dirty world, then surely she would get it. Stage 3: Bargaining. Got it. [this stage came and went really fast...]
Then I was depressed. I admit it. I cried. Course, I am a crier, so this isn't such a big deal. But I was really hurt. If I was this awful, why was I doing this? Nobody had wanted my manuscript before, why would they now? People want hotter and flashier, there's no place for clean, innocent, romantic fun. Stage 4: Depression. Oh yeah.
Still waiting to get to the next stage. It's Acceptance. Yeah...dunno if that will come for a bit. But I am starting to kick myself for caring so much about what that one judge thought. I mean, I couldn't TOTALLY suck if I got a 7 and an 8, right? Yeah, the 5.5s are kinda "well, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't Nora Roberts", but two people liked it. That's more than my average mentioned above, right? And the sad thing is that there are no comments attached with this report, so I have no idea WHY anyone thought the way they did. Maybe if I did then I could accept all of this easier. But who can I find to help me figure out what to do? I need someone who not only knows what they are talking about and can get me where I want to go, but they have to believe in me and in my stories. Dunno where I'll find one of those.
But for someone like me who is a hopeless romantic, I'm just left wondering what their idea of romance is if mine is just not good enough.

Ode to the Birthday Boy-Man

2009-05-04T20:06:00.005-04:00

Twas on this day a mere 26 years ago [which I think is one score and six years....] that my big brother came into the world. He was a month early, the little booger, but he was certainly loud enough to be on time. So I've heard, at least. But from what we, the family historians, can gather, he was also a rather pleasant child. Why, even his own parents, years after the boy had left the house and moved onto living his own, upon seeing a family documentary were heard to say, "He was such a great kid."

And it is assumed his sisters will agree. Naturally, he was the perfect example. What do you do on a sunny day? Play catch, play roller hockey, run around the house until your legs collapse. What do you do when you are bored and watching television? Sit on top of the nearest sibling while jabbing a finger into their armpit. What do you do when a sibling annoys you? Take the waistband of their pants and stretch them to the top of their earlobes. Necessities of life that might not have ever been bestowed upon the poor girls.

But besides the necessities, there was also the little things that made life better. For instance, where is the best place to hide a beanie baby? Under the toilet seat. What is the best way to eat chocolate chip cookie dough? With your finger after Mom isn't looking. What is the very first word a baby should learn to say? Hiking, undoubtedly.

Honestly, where would this world be without little red shorts and ghostbuster guns and inane questions about cameras and wrestling in the front room and barf dip and YAHR and throwing nacho doritos onto perfectly good peanut butter sandwiches??? I myself am shuddering at the thought.

And now he is a man. (Well, not just now, he has been one for some time, but you get the point.) One with his own family, a wife and a child on the way...and another generation will learn what we have been blessed to: that youth is all in the mind, and fun is for all ages.

And in my vast experience, one is never too old for birthdays or too young to reminisce.

So, a happy blessed birthday to you, dear older brother who has given us so much. May your underwear always be clean and your sister never push you ever again.

Such a happy child...

He still won't share food willingly...

The famous Ghost Buster gun...his favorite.

Terrors of the cul-de-sac...

Favorite vacation ever.

Dad always said to be mature...too bad we never thought to listen.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHRIS! LOVE YOU LOTS!!!

And for those of you who do not understand this post, that will be your loss.

Ahh, Fridays....

2009-05-01T19:16:00.002-04:00

Actually, Fridays aren't all that special anymore. I don't have school, it's true, but most days of the week I don't have school. And I say a very big prayer of thanks for that one.
But since I usually have something on Saturdays, it's really not a huge break. And if I don't have something on Saturday, chances are I am working. They didn't always schedule me for the weekends. In fact, they rarely did. But something must have happened in the inner cogworks of M******* Inc, because since February, every single Saturday that I have not requested off, they have me work. And not just my usual part time shift. It's always a huge flippin long shift at the most inconvenient time. For example, last week: I worked my usual MWF with Friday being an absurdly long 7 hour shift (typically, they don't schedule me for more than 6 as I am part time and working 3 days a week for 6 hours keeps me under 20) and then that Saturday they had me on from 10:30 t0 7. Yes, 10:30 am to 7 pm. At a craft store. 8 hours and 30 minutes. Oh, fine...it was only an 8 hour shift because I have to clock out for my 30 minute lunch. But besides that, it was the longest shift they could possibly give me. NO ONE can work more than 8 hours (managers excluded, they have no choice). Someone actually laughed at me. "You're coming in right from breakfast and you won't leave until after dinner!" Yes, haha, very funny....sorry, was that my hand getting in the way of your face? How rude, bad hand. It was the single longest day of my life, especially since I had only left that place 13 hours before coming in again.
Anyway, the point: Friday is just another day usually.
The only time it is actually FRIDAY is when I have my OVRWA meetings. Then it's PARTY DAY!!! because I know that I get to focus on writing that weekend. Ah, bliss...
Like tomorrow. I have a meeting with a certain editor from a certain publishing company and I, along with the rest of the chapter sign ups, get 3 minutes to pitch my novel to her and convince her that I am SOOOOOO work taking a chance on.
Am I nervous?
~
-
~
Yes.

I am terrified.
So what am I going to do? I'm going upstairs to watch a movie to forget about it for 3 hours before I come back down here and FREAK OUT at Penelope (my laptop...yes, I named it. Don't judge me.) until I fall asleep at the desk and probably miss the appointment because I over slept.
Ahh, Fridays....

ALL NEW!

2009-04-20T21:34:00.002-04:00

Yes, I know, it's really not all new. But the name is!
If you are here, you have found me. I hope you understand this change and update your links [assuming you have a link to my blog]. After May 1st, this is the only place I will be, so you had better change it!

Lovely Monday evening to you all. May your Tuesday be better than your Monday.

My Trip to Utah

2009-04-13T12:57:00.007-04:00

I'm procrastinating what has to be done at the moment, so I thought I would get caught up on my blog! See, I'm not really procrastinating, just switching projects.

I went to Utah for my spring break last week, which was MUCH needed. If I thought I deserved one during my time at BYU, then I deserved seven for what I deal with now. That's all I'm gonna say. Anyway, I left Thursday nite (ditched the last 2 hours of school....feeling ZERO guilt) and arrived very late, was picked up by my gal-pals, who felt it necessary to yell my name out of the car window so we could find each other. Ah, college roomies.

Lovely Orem Utah. It did not look like this while I was there, but it does sometimes.

Friday was a lazy day of no consequence. It was lovely. I helped Sarah with a project...(see picture.) I visited campus with Whit, which has not changed a bit, and dodged infernal snow flurries throughout the walk. I popped down to see my favorite football trainers, reminisced, and then went back to the apt, then went to the Borders and the Library sale, bought things, and ate food. (I did a lot of eating this trip...)

What Sarah did to me for her project.

Saturday was General Conference, which was GREAT and I am so excited about the addition of Elder Anderson to the Twelve. Saturday nite after the boys got back we had a party at a friend's palce in Lehi and played Guitar Hero. I have a confession: I live in morbid fear of embarrassing myself in front of people. Heretofore, I refrain from activities where I might do so until I am confident that I will not. So I didn't even try to play until most of the people were gone and only a few friends remained, and even then, I only sang vocals and only of songs I knew well enough. Sad, I know, but deal with it. =)

We had a lot of fun with that pointing stick. How many uses can you think of? Pretty sure we did that.

Sunday was Conference again, and again it was amazing. Went to Denny's at like 1:00 am (which is Monday, by the way) and met some very scary people, feared for my life, same ol' same ol'.
Monday I visited Mel and the kids (MISS THEM!!) and bonded with my little friends. They are growing up SO FAST! Then I had lunch with Alicia-bob. MISS HER! It was awesome. Saw one of Chris' friends while out with her, which was hilariously fun. Went out to another lunch with Miss Jordan Lund, soon to be the Mrs. Dane Rahlf, and her friend Wendy. It was great!

Me and Lorelei and Soren! Aren't they so cute? Thanks, Mel, for letting me play for a bit!

Tuesday was the crazy book day. I really ought to find other things to go crazy about. Books are expensive and heavy. Lucky I have self-control...Yes, I do! It's just not as strong as it should be! Everybody has fettishes, you guys. Mine just happens to be books.

Wednesday was insane. I had breakfast with Maria and Jenny (London pals, MISS THEM! Wish more of the gang could have come!), then had lunch with Cecily (miss her!) an hour later. Then I went back to the apt. and slept off my meals, then went out to Sonic Happy hour with my sister (so worth it), then back to her apt, where I basically did nothing but bug Lisa and Allison while watching TV and eating their food. Then Sarah had an intramural game, which was fun. Saw Britney while I was there (MISS HER!) and chatted up my books (what else?). Then I drove over and saw my uncle and aunt, and then I went back to the apt, went to get slurpies (then Wendy's) and stayed up late chatting with my girls.

The pointing stick got a ton of mileage during the trip. Poor Brian got the sharp end a lot.

Couldn't resist. I mean, really, could you?

Thursday was a very VERY long day of travelling and I think that I am finally recovered. But remind me to never carry on a duffel again. It's SOOOO not worth it. The bruise on my calf will testify to that. But all in all, the trip was so worth it and it made me realize what joys there were in college and it made me want to go back. But I can't. I live in Grown-Up world now. (I'm making a face...)
Still, it's nice to visit old times.

Ok, procrastinating is over. Back to work!

Hope

2009-03-30T21:23:00.002-04:00

Without going into any of the gory details, I'm going to admit that I have not been myself lately. I've been, in fact, quite discouraged, depressed, and emotional. Right, I know, I'm ALWAYS emotional, but I was less in control of my emotions than normal. Still struggling, but my mom suggested today that I re-read [again] President Uchtdorf's talk from the November Ensign on hope. What a blessing it is to be able to have living prophets who give us counsel that we need, even if we won't REALLY need it for months. I've read this talk I don't know how many times since getting the Ensign, but for some reason, it really hit home today. I'm going to share a few bits because I know that some of you out there might be having a hard time of it too.

"The scriptures say that there must be “an opposition in all things.” So it is with faith, hope, and charity. Doubt, despair, and failure to care for our fellowmen lead us into temptation, which can cause us to forfeit choice and precious blessings.
The adversary uses despair to bind hearts and minds in suffocating darkness. Despair drains from us all that is vibrant and joyful and leaves behind the empty remnants of what life was meant to be. Despair kills ambition, advances sickness, pollutes the soul, and deadens the heart. Despair can seem like a staircase that leads only and forever downward.Hope, on the other hand, is like the beam of sunlight rising up and above the horizon of our present circumstances. It pierces the darkness with a brilliant dawn. It encourages and inspires us to place our trust in the loving care of an eternal Heavenly Father, who has prepared a way for those who seek for eternal truth in a world of relativism, confusion, and of fear."

"What, Then, Is Hope?
The complexities of language offer several variations and intensities of the word hope. For example, a toddler may hope for a toy phone; an adolescent may hope for a phone call from a special friend; and an adult may simply hope that the phone will stop ringing altogether.
I wish to speak today of the hope that transcends the trivial and centers on the Hope of Israel, the great hope of mankind, even our Redeemer, Jesus Christ.
Hope is not knowledge, but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise to us. It is confidence that if we live according to God’s laws and the words of His prophets now, we will receive desired blessings in the future. It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance.In the language of the gospel, this hope is sure, unwavering, and active. The prophets of old speak of a “firm hope” and a “lively hope.” It is a hope glorifying God through good works. With hope comes joy and happiness. With hope, we can “have patience, and bear … [our] afflictions.” "

"Each time a hope is fulfilled, it creates confidence and leads to greater hope. I can think of many instances in my life where I learned firsthand the power of hope. I well remember the days in my childhood encompassed by the horrors and despair of a world war, the lack of educational opportunities, life-threatening health issues during youth, and the challenging and discouraging economic experiences as a refugee. The example of our mother, even in the worst of times, to move forward and put faith and hope into action, not just worrying or wishful thinking, sustained our family and me and gave confidence that present circumstances would give way to future blessings.
I know from these experiences that it is the gospel of Jesus Christ and our membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that strengthen faith, offer a bright hope, and lead us to charity.
Hope sustains us through despair. Hope teaches that there is reason to rejoice even when all seems dark around us.
With Jeremiah I proclaim, “Blessed is the man … whose hope the Lord is.”
With Joel I testify, “The Lord [is] the hope of his people, and the strength of the children of Israel.”
With Nephi I declare: “Press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.”
This is the quality of hope we must cherish and develop. Such a mature hope comes in and through our Savior Jesus Christ, for “every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as [the Savior] is pure.”
The Lord has given us a reassuring message of hope: “Fear not, little flock.” God will wait with “open arms to receive” those who give away their sins and continue in faith, hope, and charity.
And to all who suffer—to all who feel discouraged, worried, or lonely—I say with love and deep concern for you, never give in.
Never surrender.
Never allow despair to overcome your spirit.Embrace and rely upon the Hope of Israel, for the love of the Son of God pierces all darkness, softens all sorrow, and gladdens every heart."

A Sentimental Moment

2009-03-20T23:33:00.004-04:00

I am going to make you all indulge me in a bit of sisterly pride. My youngest sister Jenny is a freshman at the University of Tennessee this year and she's on a full ride scholarship for swimming. This year at the South Eastern Conference Championships, she placed 2nd in the 100 yard backstroke. 2ND! And it was the third fastest time in the NCAA this year, but the girls who beat her are British and French, so that made Jen the fastest American in the entire NCAA.

(In her element. She's scary good.)

Now, she's at the NCAA championships this week and she swam the 100 yard backstroke today and placed ninth, which is still AMAZING, seeing as how SECs were like three weeks ago and the fact that Jen is only a FRESHMAN. Her time status in the NCAA might have changed, but the fact remains that she had it! Amazing.
She's been on the National Team before (WHAT?!?!? That's just crazy right there.) and went to the Olympic Trials last year and placed 11th and this summer she has a national meet that is a selection meet for the World Games team, and we think that Jen has a pretty decent shot at making that team. Oh, did I mention that this year the World Games are in ROME?!?!?!?

(Looks good, doesn't it? This was before her first meet on the National Team. They sent a box full of Team USA stuff and she had to try this on. Fits too well. Look out, London 2012!)

Yeah, like I said, Jenny is amazing. I am so proud of her for not only her amazing swimming ability, but for her natural instinct to smile through all of the stress and ups and downs and even if things don't turn out the way she wants, she is always so positive and ready to get back in the pool and work harder. She is my hero.

Love you, Jen! You're the real champion to me!

Retail Rant

2009-03-13T19:11:00.005-04:00

I don't know if it is because I am feeling under the weather today or because it feels like the past three weeks have been one continuous stretch of monotony and boredom the likes of which I have never known, but I have a LOT on my mind with regards to our current habits as patrons of various retail establishments. As an employee of an aforementioned retail establishment, I have the opportunity to see the other side of a customer's actions. Allow me now to enlighten you on the most irritating things a customer can do to a retail employee.
1. "This item is on sale. Can I use my coupon on it?" -- why in heck would you be allowed to take a discount off of something already discounted??? I know you want to save money, but this is not the way to do it. I don't know of any retail establishment that will allow you to do that unless it is a special coupon that specifically says 'additional' on it.
2. "I found this coupon from last month. Can I still use it?" -- Well....what does the coupon say? The dates of the coupon are listed ON the coupon. We (and I doubt any other establishment) can't in good conscience honor an out of date coupon. That's why there are dates on it.
3. "Hey! That's supposed to be 40% off." -- This one is not so much a bad habit as just annoying. But it's not your fault, really. As a cashier, I can't keep track of everything that is supposed to be on sale in the store and if it is not ringing up on sale, I can't believe it. What if you're trying to scam me? So I am going to call the manager or someone else to check on that. Please don't get all frustrated with me for doing my job. If you want the discount so badly, you can wait a few minutes for it.
4. "I don't want this. I'll put it over here." -- now why would that make be on this list, hmm? Is that where you got the item? No. Do you see anything else like it where you are placing it? No. So what makes you think that it is ok that it is put there?!?!? Which bring me to the next.
5. "It's ok, they have people hired to put things away." -- No. No we don't. WE put those away. WE, the now frowning but ever polite cashier you are working with. In our current economical situation, do you really think that we have the money to hire more people just to put things away because you can't? Please. For all our sakes, do what your mother told you and clean up after yourself.
6. "This says it is $14.99. Can I get it for $12.99?" -- NO. The price is the price and that is that. Unless you have a coupon--a VALID coupon, mind--I am not going to give it to you. Sure, make me call the manager, if you like. He might give it to you, but it's only to make you go away, and sure, that gets you the extra money you can go spend on a bag of chips, but you've just annoyed twice the number of people you would have otherwise. Feel better?
7. "Which way do I slide my card?" -- Um...the way you always slide credit cards. Magnetic strip down! Yes, that little strip on the back is good for something. And as for the direction...Do the glowing arrows on the side of my machine not help you out with your confusion?
8. "Which one is Enter?" -- Sigh...I'm not sure I want to even go here. But, honestly, in our technological age, you have to ask which one is enter? No, it is NOT always the red button. Yes, I know that other places have a red button for you, but if you can't tell, mine has a big X on it. Each machine is different. Take notice.
I won't go on, even though there is much more. I'm sounding harsh, but it's just a culmination of things. I just wanted to give everyone the view that I get. I have tried to become more considerate in my own shopping, kinder to those cashiers who look a little frustrated, and to hold my tongue when I would really like to complain. The lowly cashier at the register is not to blame for anything, so why take it out on them? Why make their day a bad one because I am so irritated with my own current situation? So, please, for the sake of the little people in the retail world, smile. Be a smart shopper. Be a considerate shopper. And please, read your coupons. The whole thing. Even the little words at the bottom. You can learn a lot from them.

Mirrors

2009-02-22T00:05:00.003-05:00

The other day I was working on a woman in the student massage clinic and I could tell right from the getgo that she would be chatty. I appreciate those clients, because then my massage goes SOOOO much faster to me. Anyway, we were talking and she goes, "Becky, how tall are you?" I smiled and told her, then she just nodded and sighed, closing her eyes. "You're pretty," she said softly. I froze mid-stroke. What had she just said? Nobody had ever told me I was pretty. Ever. I checked the mirror on the wall next to me and I looked exactly as I knew I did. I had already had four hours of school, and I never look well after that. My hair was a mess, I was in scrubs, and I was not wearing any sort of makeup whatsoever. I even had bags under my eyes. What could the poor dear have been thinking? I laughed awkwardly and said thank you and swiftly changed the subject.
But inside I was thinking, "Really?" which was followed swiftly by, "Surely not. Me?" I have never thought of myself as pretty. I did know that I had pretty eyes, but no one ever noticed that (except for my dad last weekend, oddly enough). But me myself being pretty...no, that wasn't something I ever even dreamed of. I always WANTED someone to call me pretty, or beautiful, even, but that seemed a stretch. I knew that looks weren't important (it's kind of ingrained in us, isn't it?), but I still wanted some, you know?
What could be wrong with my personal mirror that doesn't allow me to see what this stranger did? Or was she just being polite? Yet there was no cause for her to be polite. My height does not insinuate a comment about my looks, so why did she say it?
Confucius said everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it. I am inclined to believe it.
So over the days since then, I have caught myself looking in the mirror more often, trying to find out where she saw whatever she saw. But maybe it's like so many other things: if you look for it, you'll never see it. Is beauty like faith, just a matter of believing? "Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing."
Or is that just for childish fairy tales? I cannot change what I am physically, I've always known it, no matter how I might have wished I could. But for the first time in my life, I am now wondering if I don't even have to wish to be different than I am, if looking as I do would be enough.
What are your mirrors telling you, and are they right?

To Love or Not To Love...What is the question?

2009-02-14T23:19:00.004-05:00

Valentine's day to a single person is rather like a weekend to someone who works them: rather pointless and bitterness enstilling. As if we in the single world neededd any further reminders that we are so. There are those who don't mind, who, in fact, use this day to celebrate their single-ness. I am not one of them. Valentine's day for me is traditionally spent on a couch with Ben and Jerry and other forms of food not typically seen in a health professional's house, a rather large stack of movies destined to make me cry or sigh or both, and a box of Kleenex to assist in the results of the former. Sweats are a must on Valentine's day, as is chocolate chip cookie dough. Guilt never follows. This is one day to let myself go and feel pathetic. I love it.
Why, you may ask, would I put myself through this year after year? Why not simply ignore the day altogether? Because, my friends, as has been observed, mentioned, and no doubt laughed about, I am a romantic. I endure this day with my traditions so that I may never forget what my goal is. I am determined to have the sort of love that people write about (ironically enough), the sort of life people envy, and the sort of Valentine's day that I can only dream of. Some may say that it is only a day. I say it is THE day. Celebrating love is something that should be done more often. Have we ever stopped to think about how lucky we are to have something to look forward to for this day? And even the more lucky if we already have it?
The movie of today's Valentine's cryfest was The Duchess, a rather odd pick for a romantic movie when the romance in it is heartbreaking and nothing but torment and frustration. But I realized by the end, that it was the perfect pick for the occasion. Georgiana was not free to love, it was not permitted. Her husband did not love her. She married with the hopes that he might, but it never came. When she found love, she was not free to pursue it. Her life was a vacant emptiness, devoid of the feelings she so desired. She could not choose love.
I feel inordinately blessed that when the time comes, I will be free to choose that. I will know the emotions she was forbidden and will be able to spend my life continuing to know them. I can choose love. I am free to have the choice. Love may be my guide, even as it could not be hers.
I darenot say all you need is love, for that smacks of the slightly ridiculous and trite. But regardless of what circumstances we find ourselves in, however our lives unfold, may we take a little time to appreciate the love that we get to have, that we get to choose. The world is a lonely place for those without it. Romance and love should not be confined to a day alone. Take the time to express it often, to show the one you love that you truly do not because everybody else is doing it, but because you want to. Because you want them to know.
I write romance. I do so because I believe in it. I believe in Valentine's day. And for a single, tear-prone, hopeless romantic toting around a large half-eaten bag of peanut M&M's, the hope of a someday is enough.

Today...

2009-02-13T12:34:00.003-05:00

Ah, Friday the 13th...Why is this say so special? It's just a day and a number...and a fear of ladders, cats, and mirrors....and one in which we all carry salt just in case. Oh well. It's fun to pretend there's something magic about this day.
Well, it's been a bit since I have written a real blog...and today won't be it because my sweet, adorable, and PREGNANT (I'm not at all excited, obviously) sister-in-law Erin tagged me. But I will write a real one soon...maybe tomorrow...maybe not.

The Big 8
8 THINGS ABOUT ME
Here are the Rules:
1) Post rules on your blog
2) Answer the six '8' items
3) Let each person know by leaving them a comment
PS these are NOT in order.

8 FAVORITE TV SHOWS
1. Bones
2. House
3. Biggest Loser
4. What Not To Wear
5. Legends of the Hidden Temple
6. American Idol (AFTER the auditions...I hate those things)
7. America's Next Top Model (there...I said it. guilty confession)
8. Friends (again, guilty confession)

8 THINGS I DID YESTERDAY
1. Went to school
2. Took a surprise quiz that I hated
3. Discovered that I have a monster for a sternocleidomastoid. (that's a muscle in the neck, for all you non-anatomy people)
4. Got a bag of DVD's and peanut M&M's from Missy for my Valentine's weekend
5. Drove home for the weekend
6. Got home in 2 1/2 hours instead of 3....
7. Saw my sister-in-law's BABY BUMP! =)
8. Slept in Jenny's bed because it's way more comfortable than mine.

8 THINGS I LOOK FORWARD TO
1. Getting my application for my Ohio state massage boards turned in
2. Hearing back from the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest about my submission
3. Getting my haircut
4. Finishing my resume and letters for jobs
5. GRADUATING
6. Getting a baby in the family!!!
7. Moving into my own place
8. Having a car with four doors

8 FAVORITE RESTAURANTS
1. Panera
2. Olive Garden
3. Red Robin
4. Champs
5. Friday's
6. Panda Express
7. Don Pablo's
8. Aurelio's!!!

8 THINGS ON MY WISH-LIST
1. A job with real money
2. A smaller pant size
3. A published work
4. Winning Oprah's big giveaway thing
5. Winning the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award and getting a contract with Penguin books and $25,000.
6. An apartment that is a steal
7. A trip to Utah to see my friends
8. A Valentine's day that I get to spend with someone besides Ben, Jerry, and Mr. Darcy.

8 PEOPLE I TAG
1. Alicia-Bob
2. Andrea
3. Stephanie
4. Celeste
5. Ashley R. (assuming your baby doesn't come before you get to it...)
6. Amber
7. Jackie
8. Emily H.

Watch out for scary things today! Be safe!

Pride and Prejudice

2009-02-11T21:20:00.009-05:00

Alas, we come to the end of our Jane Austen run. I hope that your minds have been enriched and you have broadened your reading spectrum.

Lastly, but certainly not leastly (is that a word?...) is her classic masterpiece Pride and Prejudice. If you have never heard of this one, you need to crawl out from under the rock you live under and stand still while I beat you repeatedly with my tennis shoes. It is one of the single most romantic stories of our time.

We are introduced right away to the Bennet family, who would drive any person mad. Mrs. Bennet is insane, Mr. Bennet is droll and slightly clueless, and the five Bennet girls are...interesting. Jane is the oldest and the most beautiful. Lizzy, our heroine, is bright and spunky. Mary is plain and preachy. Kitty and Lydia, the youngest, were "ignorant, idle, and vain". Anyway, the Bennet's are poor and their house is entailed to a cousin (meaning when Mr. Bennet kicks the bucket, the girls and ma gotta go), so Mrs. Bennet is obsessed with getting those girls hitched to rich men. Opportunity knocks when a Mr. Bingley of 5,000 a year comes to the area and starts putting the moves on Jane. Problem is his sisters are snobs and his friend Mr. Darcy (flutter in the heart) is disapproving and proud. And hugely wealthy. Mrs. Bennet tries to set him up with Lizzy, and so does Bingley, but it doesn't work. The only thing that happens is that Lizzy decides to hate Darcy, which sets up the rest of the book.

Ok, so then we meet Wickham and Collins. Wickham is a charming rogue, but don't trust him. Collins is a slime ball. Feel free to hate him. Then Bingley suddenly up and leaves and Jane is heartbroken because he's prolly gonna go marry Darcy's sister. Then we meet Lady Catherine DeBurgh....hate her. She happens to be Darcy's aunt, tho, so we get to see him again. And he proposes....to Lizzy. He's been in love with her forever. Well, Lizzy just shoots him down, breaking his heart (no really, you can see it in his eyes), and sending him on his way. He writes her a letter (oh, it's so good), and vanishes.

Lizzy suddenly realizes that she's lost a good man after all. While travelling with her aunt and uncle, she stumbles upon Darcy again...and finds he is not so disagreeable as she thought. But disaster from home threatens any chance of blossoming romance, and they must part...never to meet again.

What will happen??? What happy ending could possibly come from this??? I'm not telling.

The 2005 version with Matthew McFadyen......yeah.....it's amazing.

The 1945 version with Lawrence Olivier....it's very funny...and he's cute.

The BBC version with Colin Firth.....(BIG flutter of the heart). It's long, but SOOOOO worth it. Three words: Wet. Linen. Shirt. That's all I'm gonna say.

There are other versions, TONS of parodies, and fun-ness. Just look for it. You'll be hard pressed NOT to find something based off of this one.

Pride and Prejudice...my very favorite and truly an amazing gift to the world.

The End.

Persuasion

2009-01-30T21:24:00.003-05:00

Back to our regularly scheduled program: On tonight's special, Jane Austen's final completed work, Persuasion. It was published posthumously [which means after she died for those of us who don't speak big word] and is generally regarded as her most autobiographical.

*Note: this does NOT mean that it IS an autobiography and should not be confused as such

Perusasion tells the story of Anne Elliot, a plain spinster of 28 with a wealthy [and VERY snobbish] family who had fallen into financial ruin. Anne's family removes to Bath to live more simply and her house is rented to an Admiral Croft and his wife. Big deal here is that Mrs. Croft is the sister of the man whom Anne was persuaded to refuse almost 9 years ago. We learn right away that Anne never stopped loving Captain Frederick Wentworth [ladies, does that name not instantly send flutters flying?] and is relieved to be going to her sister's family and in-laws, the Musgroves, instead, as her family doesn't really want her in Bath.

Trouble is, Captain Wentworth came to visit his sister. And Anne's old home is near the Musgroves. And the Musgroves meet Captain Wentworth and form a friendship with him. Anne is forced to face him once more, only to find that he is cold, bitter, and unfriendly towards her. Worse than that, the Musgrove daughters start to 'attach' themselves to Captain Wentworth and he seems to reciprocate.

Then there's a whole deal with Anne's supposedly attractive cousin, who is seemingly enchanted with her...
Will Anne's heart be crushed a second time by her own youthful folly? Does any part of Captain Wentworth's heart belong to her still? Could the competition for Anne's hand push Captain Wentworth over the edge? Read it (or watch it) and see...

The 1995 version with Amanda Root and Ciaran Hinds. Classic, passionate, and lovely. Totally brilliant.

The 2008 BBC version starring Sally Hawkins [who just won a Golden Globe for another movie] and Rupert Penry-Jones [who is gloriously good-looking]. Amazing and cute and heart-wrenching.

Basically, you can't lose.

Emma

2008-12-18T21:56:00.004-05:00

Next on our Jane Austen fesitval of blogs is her work entitled Emma. It is the story of a young woman [yes, Emma IS her name, way to pay attention] and her crazy urge to match people up. It's not so much out of an ideal of bringing people happiness, but just so she'll have something to do and be able to point out her good work. She's arrogant, snobby, stuck-up, and....yeah, that's about it. Oh, and she's very rich. And yet, we kinda like her...

Anyway, she meets this girl Harriet Smith who is a poor orphan with no idea who her parents are or what her situation is. Emma decides Harriet needs a man and so she sets out to find one for her, persuading Harriet to turn against the only guy who has ever treated her well because he's "not good enough" for her. Things get WAAAAAY messed up when Mr. Elton the clergyman makes his true feelings known, and then Frank Churchill shows up and everything goes bonkers again as people make assumptions and judgements, and then there's the insulting thing at BVox Hill with Jane Fairfax....

Did I mention there IS a good guy here? His name is Mr. Knightly and he is basically perfect. He's known Emma since she was a baby and he is kinda like an older brother to her, complete with scoldings and blunt opionions. His brother married her sister, but other than that there is no connection... Anywho, he's great....

I really can't say much about this one, guys. It's one of those every surprise just makes it better, and if you know the surprise, it just ruins it. But I do love this book and if you can get around Jane's funny way of saying things, you'll see that it's actually quite witty and sometimes downright hilarious.

If Hollywood is more your style, go with the Gwenyth Paltrow version. Knightly is good looking.

If you prefer the BBC, go with the Kate Beckinsale version. Knightly is mysterious and bold.

Or if your tastes run musical, try and catch Emma the Musical if it comes your way! Knightly...can sing.....

BREAKING NEWS!!!

2008-12-17T23:36:00.004-05:00

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blogpost to announce Becky's discovery of an amazing singing group that has officially taken over her life. Il Divo. It's a boy band but it's OPERA! Well, sort of, but it's definately classical! They are AMAZING, not to mention pretty good looking, and they were organized by Simon Cowell, so you KNOW they're good. Their harmonies are amazing, and the notes on perfect pitch, and it just gives you chills.

Amazing amazing amazing, you all should investigate and become converted.

That's all.

Cue heavenly angels.

Northanger Abbey

2008-12-14T23:40:00.004-05:00

Today we are going to approach--but not really go into--the subject of Jane Austen's least popular book, Northanger Abbey. Why it is the least popular is a subject for huge debate which I shall not attempt to address, except that I think it's a lack of true character development except for our heroine. But that's just me.

This story is the "dark and mysterious" of Jane's novels, which may be another reason it isn't as popular, as she should stick to semi-realistic sensible romatics, but anyway. Our heroine is Catherine Morland, who, like so many of us, has more romantic imaginations than she knows what to do with. She's very innocent, but thinks she knows much as far as romanticism goes. She goes with some friends to Bath and meets a sister of her brother's friend, who, it turns out, is engaged to her brother, go figure. They become friends, and this friend (I think her name is Isabella) is someone that you don't like right from the getgo and you have no idea why our lovely and likeable Catherine is friends with. She's shallow, base, and utterly irritating. Her brother tries to make some moves on Catherine, causes her to lose the opportunity to go out with the handsome and charming (and all-around good guy) Mr. Tilney. Somehow she discourages the jerk and Mr. Tileny and his sister end up inviting her to their home, Northanger Abbey. Dark and mysterious is the place, haunted by the ghost of the late Mrs. Tilney, whose demise is a subject for further investigation, in Catherine's mind. The fact that their father is a crazy miserly creepy old dude doesn't help matters either.

Catherine's imagination goes wild, and that's what leads to the rift between our potential lovers. That and the fact that Mr. Tileny's dad found out she';s poor and basically had her cast from the house...

If you really care all that much, read the book. It's not so bad, really.

This is a decent version...if you like creepy 80's adaptations.

This one is REALLY good. I enjoyed it very much. It made me just about like the story. Oh, who am I kidding, this version MADE the story for me. Watch it! It's the BBC.

Sense and Sensibility

2008-12-12T23:38:00.003-05:00

This one is one of my favorite Jane Austen books. It's also one of the most popular. They made a major movie out of it and it won an Oscar, for cryin' out loud! But you really can't go wrong with the cast they chose. I mean, Emma Thompson, Kate Winslet, Greg Wise, Hugh Grant, AND Alan Rickman? Can we SAY score? Yes, we can.

Anyway, the story: two sisters, Elinor and Marianne Dashwood, are at the center of the book. Thier father has just died, leaving his estate and most of the fortune to his only son, as was the way of things back then. So they, their mother, and their youngest sister Margaret are left virtually penniless and at the mercy of their half-brother and his shrew of a wife. But the shrew's brother comes to stay with them, and Elinor and Edward form a wonderful friendship with hints and definite undertones of something more. But both are reserved, which ticks Marianne off as she is impulsive and emotional, and so nothing is ever actually official. Then the Dashwood girls and their mom go to her cousin's cottage in Devonshire to live, leaving Edward (and Elinor's heart?) behind. They meet some real characters, who are determined to figure out Elinor's secret, but they have a friend, Colonel Brandon, a handsome, but very reserved and somber older man, who is enchanted by Marianne immediately. But naturally, she doesn't see it, dreaming of some high acventuring love. Her chance comes when she sprains her ankle one rainy day and is rescued by the dashing and mysterious Mr. Willoughby. Sparks of romance, interest, and even passion flare as the two set the countryside up in rumors about their behaviors. But nothing is simple, is it? Marianne flies with her heart to guide her, while Elinor's head keeps her heart in closed quarters. Elinor's wisdom comes in handy when someone confides in her certain secrets that destroy her hopes of any happiness beyond her present, and Marianne's blissful ignorance of the world brings about her painful downfall as her life crumbles. How will they recover from their troubles? How can this possibly end happy?

Don't be a goose, of course it does, but I'm not telling. But there are lessons in this book to apply to life, as there are in all. Read it. Watch it. Love it.

The new BBC version, which is good, but really, after this one:

nothing else will ever be able to do. Love love love love. Ideal. Perfect. Just what Jane had in mind, I have no doubts at all.

Mansfield Park

2008-12-11T23:05:00.004-05:00

Next on our Jane Austen special, we'll be talking about Mansfield Park, one of the less well known books. Our heroine is a poor, plain girl named Fanny Price, who is sent to her rich aunt and uncle, the Bertrams, because her family has too many kids and not enough money to feed them all. Fanny becomes a sort of servant, but recieves no wages, merely a room and meals. She is treated with some form of civility by most of the family, but her cousin Edmund becomes a true friend and, as so many young girls do, she fell in love with him as they grew up. [Marrying cousins was ok then, don't worry]. But like so many men, Edmund is entirely blind to her feelings. He loves her as his best friend, but that's where it ends. When some new neighbors come a-calling, interesting things begin to happen. Miss Crawford catches Edmund's eye, and who does he confess his growing admiration and affection to? Why, his best friend Fanny, who else? Poor girl has to suffer through that, plus seeing what Mr. Crawford is doing to Edmund's sisters, one of whom is engaged to be married, though you couldn't tell from her behavior. Then she gets married, and Mr. Crawford turns his attentions to Fanny! Poor child, she's the only one who has any sense in the whole family. Everybody encourages her to accept him, but she knows what he is really like, and...ugh! I won't tell you what happens there, but a lot of family catastrophes go on and people begin to realize what we already knew: that Fanny is the only one with any sort of sense or brains, and they can rely on her to keep things calm and settled. She's treated better FINALLY. The end.

Oh, of COURSE that's not all, but you didn't really think I'd tell you details did you? Get up and get the book for yourself! It's fantastic!

The original movie version from the 80s. Quite good, but VERY 80s.

A more recent version, which might be my favorite. Isn't Fanny cute?

An even mroe recent version from the BBC. I like it, but Edmund isn't as cool as I wished.

Ode to Jane

2008-12-10T23:29:00.004-05:00

My dear friend Andrea gave me a shout out in her blog a few days ago, for which I thank her, but she also happened to mention in her description of me, that I was a Jane Austen woman, though my blog did not talk about Jane Austen or her works. Just for that, Andrea, and for the rest of you who are still reading my blog, I vow to post a series of blogs on Jane Austen and her works. Tonight we start with the woman herself.

I'm not going to do a full on biography, though. If you are that interested, look at Wikipedia.

Jane Austen wrote six major novels: Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Emma, Mansfield Park, Northanger Abbey, and Persuasion. There are a number of other works that she never finished, and probably even more that we'll never really know about. Her family was not wealthy and there were many children, which led to more trouble financially. Jane and her sister, the one and only, Cassandra were very close, which brings us to the next and most famous point about our fabulous writer: neither she nor Cassandra ever married. They were single their entire lives, owning the term "spinster" completely.

Now, you may ask, how can a woman who never married write such thrilling tales of the heart and become so famous for her romantic characters? Well, that is what the imagination is for! For her works are brilliant and capture human nature so well. They are entertaining and witty [and downright hilarious at times] and we all love them! She was an amazing and talented woman, and thank God she lived and did what she dreamed of!

A portrait of the woman herself.

Jane Austen as portrayed by Anne Hathaway in "Becoming Jane"

Jane Austen as portrayed by Olivia Williams in "Miss Austen Regrets"

Realizations

2008-12-03T20:37:00.004-05:00

I was reflective tonight. An odd thing, to be sure, but I tend to reflect a lot more now than I used to. I see things about myself and various things that I seem to have missed before. I'll share some with you.
1. I have a very hard time saying no. If someone asks me to do something, I'll usually do it. It doesn't take much to talk me into doing something unless I REALLY don't want to do it. But if I feel that someone actually does need me to do something, then 99.9% of the time, I will do it. People know this and sometimes they take advantage of it. It makes me feel used.
2. I am not very brave. If there is the slightest potential of embarrassment or any chance that I might not be good at whatever it is, I will not do it. I have a fear of embarrassment, of being laughed at, of having people talk about me when I am not there. It makes me a coward, I know, and I'm ashamed of it. I cannot get over that fear.
3. I don't let go very well. I worry, I over-think, I analyze, and I always find things that I could have done better or done differently or not at all. I hold on to memories because I am afraid there won't be others. I hold on to feelings because I don't know what will happen when they're gone.
4. I don't like being alone. It makes me think too much. It's depressing.

Happy December

2008-12-01T20:48:00.003-05:00

Why does returning home from a vacation stink so much? Seriously, the day after vaca is automatically the worst day ever, unless it happens to be a birthday or a day off. But as it was neither for me, today was just plain icky. Not to mention that it tried to snow. Tried. No success. Plenty of frigid coldness and unless my workplace decides to actually heat the building and thereby free my poor fingers from their hypothermic coma, that will not change with the coming days. Plus I go back to school tomorrow, huzzah for boredom. I start clinic hours during my lunchbreak, which is bad as I very rarely let anything interfere with my lunch break, so I will probably not be in a good mood anyway, which makes for a bad massage. But hey! I'm not getting paid, so...

My bright spot: It is now Decemeber. Officially. It is now the month of my birthday and Christmas and Christmas vacation and Santa and Chicago Christmas and cinnamon rolls and presents and lights and carols and many many delicious levels of treats. When I am bored, mad, frustrated, grumpy, ticked, irritated, or just plain apathetic to anything else, I will remember that.

And this: "And there were in the same country, shepherds abiding in the fields, keeping watch over their flocks by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about him. And they were sore afraid, and the angel said unto them, "Fear not. For behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a savior, which is Christ the Lord.' And suddenly there was with the angel, a multitude of heavenly hosts praising God and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth, peace, goodwill toward men." That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.

Thanksgiving surprise.

2008-11-29T18:12:00.004-05:00

So my parents flew my sister Sarah home for Thanksgiving and didn't tell any of us that they were going to. I got home at 8:00 and they immediately rushed me up to my room, which confused me seriously, and BOOM. Sarah was sitting in my rocking chair and said, "I've ben waiting for you." Bags were hastily dropped and several minutes of squealing and hugging ensued. But the party didn't end there. Chris and Erin and Jenny had a longer drive up from Tennessee and they weren't going to be here until 11:00. So we plotted. We got a HUGE cardboard box and hid Sarah in it. If you go to this website [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jp_yp14u4Jc] you can see the reactions of them when the box was opened. It is hilarious.

Thanksgiving has been so much fun with all of us together. It has been at least 7 years since the entire family has been able to have Thanksgiving with each other. We've laughed so much and taken great pictures and it has been so much fun! Here are a few pics for your viewing pleasure.

Awww....picture in the backyard. Ain't we so cute?

We're also great big dorks. But I love us!

I love this picture most of all. Totally candid. My sisters rock.

What a life.

2008-11-18T20:34:00.003-05:00

I realized today that I am, in fact, completely dissatisfied with my life right now. I am working a job for the sake of the paycheck [which isn't as large as I need it to be] which funnels directly into a fund for my tuition at a school that feels like a drudgery [even though I KNOW it is worthwhile and useful] and because of that, there isn't money for me to buy my family the fabulous Christmas presents on the expensive side of the college-student spectrum [which is sort of my trademark] that I would wish to. I feel like every day is the same as the one before. Ok, so nothing is the same exactly one day after the other since I have school on Tuesdays and Thursdays and work every other day, with the occasional Saturday, and then it is Sunday, but you know what I mean. My days have no excitement, nothing to look forward to except the end of what I am doing and my food breaks. And my beloved laptop Penelope is getting fixed and I have been without her for a week, so I can't even chat with my friends or hammer away at my novels that HAVE to get done because I just entered one into a NATIONAL contest and have TONS of work to do and the OTHER is undergoing MAJOR reconstruction and I don't have the time or tools to do either of them!!!!

But I was just reading part of President Monson's talk about finding joy in the journey, and I am going to try really hard to do that. So here are my four points of joy for today and I am going to do this for every bad day I have.

1. I saw a show with my parents on Friday, which we all loved, and it was a musical.

2. I am not studying for my ATC boards any more. Blessed day, indeed.

3. We're putting up Christmas stuff at the Rahlf house because we don't have time to do it after Thanksgiving. It's so festive, I just can't NOT smile.

4. Thanksgiving is next week and I get to have it at home for the first time in 4 YEARS! AND Chris and Erin and Jenny will be there. We'll miss you, Sarah!

So that's it then. Oh, and my birthday is coming [December 8]. HOORAY!!! Send money instead of presents...I need it more. =)

Happy November!

2008-11-03T19:50:00.003-05:00

You know, I really like November. It's not quite as pretty as October, but it is still quite lovely. The air gets cooler, the trees grow more colorful (until they get bare), and the colors of the season become rich and earthy. And then November melds into December, which is naturally the best month in the entire year. So November is like December Eve. And everyone knows that the anticipation of the Eve makes the Day itself so much better.

Besides, we have Thanksgiving in November, which is the best thing ever. Lots of food and no guilt? YES PLEASE!

But anyway, I am stressed to the max right now. My AT exam is on Saturday and I have studied my hardest and given up any and all free time (erm....except for these five minutes) and done nothing but eat, sleep, and study. No really, even at work and school I am studying for this thing. It's awful! I'm not as nervous as I used to be, but the stress and anticipation are definately reaching dangerous heights. But if---WHEN--I pass it this time, this will be the best November ever, and I will probably be on a high for the entire month.

BUT as if the stress levels from THAT weren't enough, I discovered that Josh Groban is releasing a collection CD.....IN EUROPE! Oh, sure the States will get it EVENTUALLY, but GEEZ! HE'S AN AMERICAN!

Ladies, please! Is this not the most beautiful album cover ever? I have never seen him look so attractive and the fact that I have to wait for all of those European women to be satiated first....Ugh, it is too much to be bourne. It is NOT to be bourne. I need to do something about it.... after the test.

Oh, my friends, pray for me. I will need strength for this week and the added abilities of the Lord on Saturday. Whatever happens is His will, I know this....but it would be really nice if our wills were in sync this time....

Bill of Rights

2008-10-22T22:28:00.002-04:00

My darling friend Cecily, whom I met first during BYU Sports and Dance Camps and then was fortunate enough to be in company with my entire time in England posted this amazing thing on her blog called the Single Good Girl's (and Guy's) Bill of Rights. I was so impressed with it that I had to post a second time on here today. I hope you don't mind, Cec, as I did say it was you who engineered this awesomeness. But seriously, single people (and you married people too) take notes!!
A Single Good Girl's (and Guy's) Bill of Rights:
1) If you are a good person, you deserve a GOOD person. If the man/woman you are interested treats you badly, they are NOT good enough for you. Do not waste time with a person that does not treat you the way a son or daughter of God should be treated. Do not put up with belittling, maliciousness, manipulation, or guilt from the person you are dating. This is wrong.
2) In relation to #1, remember that there are many, many good men/women out there who will treat you much better. Have faith in the Lord and Move On. Trust that the Lord will bless you with a good, righteous relationship.
3) Communication is a must. You must be able to communicate problems and differences and be willing to sort them out afterwards. Every good young man/woman deserves effective communication in any kind of relationship. Do not immaturely give the cold shoulder and think "He knows why I'm mad, he should say sorry to me at once". He probably doesn't know what you're mad about, he's a Man!
4) Girls, every good man deserves a good woman. Just because it is "that time of the month" does not give you the excuse that you can treat everyone in your life like dirt (family and friends alike). Be a good person all of the time. It's okay to be emotional, but realize before you get angry why you're getting angry. And guys, don't put up with emotional girls. If they treat you like dirt 1 week out of every month, that will be a very very very long relationship, and marriage. Date girls that have a grip on themselves and can practice self-control (a very good quality to have in a marriage). And worse, my own personal pet peeve, girls just shouldn't date estrogen-filled guys. That should be biologically impossible . . .
5) Sorry, I got on a rant. #5 is that every good guy and girl deserve a selfless partner. This is the #1 reason that couples today get a divorce--selfishness. Work on being a selfless person, sacrificing your desires for the good of others, and you will in turn attract selfless people. If you work on being selfless in finances, communication, and relationships with family and friends, you will have a wonderful life and hopefully find the spouse of your dreams.
6) We each deserve someone willing to work. A good man that is willing to work and be productive will make a great marriage partner. A good girl is not going to be spending hours and hours everyday watching TV, looking at Facebook, or writing blogs, but is going to spend her time doing homework and cultivating herself. We need to be wary that we don't let idleness seap into our lives.
7) A potential spouse will encompass all of the qualities listed above because he loves the Lord. He will want to be a good boyfriend, fiance, husband and father because he loves the Lord and loves you. A good wife will put the Lord first in her life above all else, and will put her marriage to you second on the list. A good relationship will not work if Heavenly Father is not included in the triangle.

I think there was more, but that was all we get for now!! Fantastic, isn't it???

Hi

2008-10-22T18:49:00.002-04:00

I'm alive, I am well, and most of the time, I am exhausted. My job is great, but long days. My school is the same, but long days. I finished the first edit of my second book to get it out of the way so that I can use all of my brain power for....THE EXAM.
Yes, you read that right. THE exam. The one I have failed twice. I am defying sanity and taking it for a third time. I will need all of your prayers, good wishes, birthday wishes, wishing well wishes, eyelash wishes, and 11:11 wishes to help me pass!
Ooops, time to go study again!

Ouch....

2008-10-13T23:02:00.002-04:00

I hope that you all haven't been feeling neglected by my lack of updates. I've been so insanely busy that I don't even know what day it is. I started my new job at Michaels on Wednesday, so I've been working 6 hour shifts and getting training and filling out paper work, etc. I had school on Thursday, then worked again on Friday, and then Friday night I went up to Waynesville, Ohio to help my good pal Lorrie Monn with her booth for the Sauerkraut Festival. It's this really cute craft fair, which, of course, includes tons of sauerkraut [smells awful], but there's a lot of other foods and fun stuff. Lorrie's business, Mistletoe Memories, makes Christmas ornaments that we then personalize to the customer's specificaitions. It was tons of fun, but I worked 12 hours on Saturday, on my feet the entire time, and then 11 hours on Sunday. THEN I went in to work today (didn't have to go in until 3, so I at least got to sleep in) and was on my feet for another 6 hours. Currently, my feet are propped up on the desk and I can feel them throb. It is times like these, as I told my new friend Alex [she worked with us at the Festival] when a husband would come in handy. Footrubs, shoulder rubs, comments about how amazing and hardworking I am, etc, etc, etc. I could use any or all of that at this time, but I'll settle for now with the reminder that I made a ton of money in one long, exhausting weekend.
I have to go to bed now, because I have a full day of school tomorrow! My goodness, I think I AM amazing...

My Heart Is Overflowing

2008-10-05T23:13:00.003-04:00

There is nothing else I can think of but that to describe the feelings that encompass me at this very moment. I cannot restrain the tears that are running down my face and I am not sure that I want to. I feel as though my heart could very well fly out of my chest and into the sky, though what it would do there, I have no idea. Today has been a day of miracles for me, though I have not seen anything out of the ordinary nor done anything that would merit that high standard. But God is merciful and marvelous, and I cannot help but share with you the feelings that are bursting from my soul.
These past few months have been the most trying of my life. I would venture to say that the loss of my brother when I was twelve could not compare with the pains I have felt. I knew that Andrew was with Timmy and that God would protect them and keep them, and that they had a work to do beyond my mortal scope. I knew it. It did not lessen the pain, but it softened the mourning and relieved the despair. A few months after this, I moved away from the only home I could remember to a brand new place, one that was unfamiliar and, at my age, unfriendly. For the first time, I was uncertain of myself and what would happen to me. It was rough and I suffered much, but trust in the Lord and in my family got me through.
But since graduating college, things have been different. I have been completely on my own and even more uncertain of myself than ever before. I trusted in the Lord but I felt that He did not trust in me. This was a dangerous feeling to have and I knew it. But such is my emotional nature that I felt it anyway. I was in my own personal Gethsemane, unable to have the help of the Lord and unable to change a thing. I knew He had his reasons for sending me through the trials that He had, but I could not see any light to guide my way. I had failed my boards twice, the test that would prove my college experience worthwhile, which led me to the belief that I had made the wrong decisions with regards to my education. I felt that I must be out of tune with my spirit, that whatever the Lord had been trying to tell me I had not heard because I had made myself deaf, and now He had stopped speaking to me. I was left in a place that used to be a home, wondering if I was in the right place, wondering if I had blindly pushed forward into something that was wrong for me. I didn't know where to go, what to do, or in whom to confide. How could I confess to anyone that I was feeling weak and abandoned? I have always been strong, and this collapse was mortifying. All I knew was that I had to keep going because there was no other way to go and if I wanted the Lord to speak to me again, I had to play the game His way. It IS His game, after all.
Well, after the amazing Women's Conference last weekend, a conversation with a man so close to the Lord that he knew I needed something special, and a therapeutic home visit and blessing from my father, things began to look up. I was happier, I was more optimisitic, and I began to feel again. And then I turned in a random application, immediately had an interview, and two days later I recieved a part time job that met all of my set requirements. And today at General Conference, I recieved a deep and abiding testimony that Thomas S. Monson is God's prophet, that he recieves revelation for us directly from the Lord, and that he is the man to lead this church. Then tonight I watched "Emma Smith: My Story" and I heard a line that I don't know if the real Emma actually said, but I like it anyway. "Strength is not something we are born with. Strength is something that we find." And suddenly I realized that I could do whatever the Lord expected of me. If Emma could make it through so much, then I could at least battle through the murky waters that had begun to swirl around me. As soon as I came to that decision, I felt a wash of something so strong that tears poured out of my eyes like a river, and since I am a messy crier, the nose started to run also, and as I am just getting over a cold, it was not a pretty sight. But it didn't matter. I knew in my heart that whatever the Lord had in store for me, this experience would shape me for it. I was reminded from the movie of the scripture in D&C from Liberty jail: " My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high. ...Know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." I knew that was my answer, too. So, after the movie was finished, and I cleaned myself up, I came downstairs to my room, determined to write a blog about this. But something told me to check my brother and sister-in-law's blog first. Erin, I love you even more for what you said on Friday. She quoted Elder Jeffrey R. Holland and as soon as I read it, I burst into my frantic, messy tears again. It was the rest of my answer. "First of all, I want you to be proud you are a woman. I want you to feel the reality of what that means, to know who you truly are. You are literally a spirit daughter of heavenly parents with a divine nature and an eternal destiny. That surpassing truth should be fixed deep in your soul and be fundamental to every decision you make as you grow into mature womanhood. There could never be a greater authentication of your dignity, your worth, your privileges, and your promise. Your Father in Heaven knows your name and knows your circumstance. He hears your prayers. He knows your hopes and dreams, including your fears and frustrations. And He knows what you can become through faith in Him."
I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and believes in me. I know that He knows me, knows what I want and need, and what I can handle. That is what He was trying to tell me: that I have within me strength I didn't know about. Somehow, I had found the strength to come through without losing my faith or myself. And beyond that, I can see more clearly my path laid out before me. I have no idea where it will lead, but the path is His trail for me, and if I stay on it, nothing can prevent me from attaining what He has in store for me.
And that will give me the strength I need to continue on.

New Happiness

2008-09-29T14:05:00.006-04:00

Ok, besides the fact that the Relief Society broadcast was AMAZING and that my home stake's Women's Conference was OUTSTANDING, I have other happy things that may have just completed my life.

1) My mom, bless her, took me shopping while I was home because I am a very poor no-longer-college student, and she bought me not only a new skirt [which is adorable] but a new pair of Church shoes that just might be the most favorite shoes that I now own.

Aren't they fantastic??? Seriously. I wore them to church yesterday and I felt amazing.

2) I saw a new musical on Friday. It's a musical adaptation of Emma. I was skeptical at first, because we all know that it is one thing to make a movie from a book, but an entirely different thing to make a musical out of one. It works sometimes [like Les Miserables] and sometimes it doesn't [like Gone With The Wind]. This one was totally amazing. I think it must be off-Broadway, but it was the most fantastic thing I have seen since London. Mr. Knightly was a god, Emma was perfect, Harriet Smith was both as endearing and annoying as she should be, and the music was fun and sooooo good. There's a song Knightly sings about Emma and ugh! It totally made me cry.They were so cute! And I laughed my face off. Thankfully, the girl sitting next to me from our group was single, too, so we laughed at the same things... After Knightley finished his BEAUTIFUL song [part of which can be viewed on youtube here:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aw2LdVR1GC4 ], she leaned over to me a whispered, "I want one of those." I was in total agreement

So yes, new happiness has been found. Besides that, I inherited a full package of Halloween Oreos. Perfection...for the time being...

Begging Time...

2008-09-22T22:07:00.002-04:00

I am going to completely abandon every sense of pride I ever posessed and get down on my knees [figuratively, of course. I couldn't type here if I actually were kneeling] and BEG, PLEAD, and CAJOLE any of you with any connections into the world of publishing to give me a boost up into it. I've sent out at least 15 letters, still awaiting the response from three, and all have been rejections. This is ok, it happens to all authors. But I've just finished my SECOND novel, and my fingers are itching to get going on the third, and I don't even have any prospects for my FIRST! Granted, it is certainly possible for me to keep writing and then just pass this stuff out, but, call me greedy, I want to make a little bit of proft. And I want to avoid that copyrighting issue. What's to stop any of you sneaky twits from selling this as your own? I don't care about being a bestseller, I just want to share what I've got with people!
So please, friends, if you know anyone in the adult fiction publishing area, or knows someone who knows someone, or your dentist's neice's husband's brother's podiatrist's former in-laws work at a publishing house, let me know. If you need proof that I'm not just chasing a wild fantasy, I'll send you some stuff. It's gone over pretty well with everyone who has read it thusfar, and I'm very proud of it.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Thanks so much, and I promise to never shame myself this way again.

Confessions

2008-09-21T15:07:00.002-04:00

13 Confessions from Me:
1. I will not do anything that has a potential to embarrass me. This includes sports and games. Oddly enough, I will do almost anything in a skit...
2. I hate video games and think they are a HUGE waste of time
3. I don't like basketball. Hate it, actually.
4. I don't like Jim Carrey. I think he is a good actor, especially when he does serious stuff, but I don't think he is that funny.
5. I think birds are the creepiest, scariest things on the planet. I hate hate hate HATE them.
6. I can call up a movie quote almost immediately but it takes time for anything school related to formulate.
7. I hate blatantly stupid movies and shows. Napoleon Dynamite, Nacho Libre, The Office, etc. I don't ever care to see Dumb and Dumber for that reason.
8. I HATE bad grammar and wrong pronunciation
9. Slow drivers and walkers tick me off like nothing else
10. I have a crazy obsession with love. It's incureable. I read it, I listen to songs about it, I write stories about it, I watch movies about it.
11. I sing in the car when I'm by myself. Loudly.
12. I cry in movies and during songs and while watching Hallmark commercials.
13. I cannot watch films where a spouse dies without going entirely to pieces. Total meltdown.

I tag Erin, Alicia, Jane, and Steph. And anyone else who wants to...

Update

2008-09-19T14:26:00.003-04:00

Well, I suppose I ought to let people know what is happening with me right now. Sadly, my life is not very exciting and I have little hope of it improving. I had two job interviews this week, one as a sales associate for Massage Envy, which would be good, but it doesn't sound like something I would enjoy. The other was for a position on the Inventory Team or as a Seller at Borders, which would be SPECTACULAR. Both went well, but Borders sounds like more fun to me! Let's see, what else.... OH! There was a HUGE power outage all across the lower half of the state of Ohio because of a wind storm sent up from Ike. 1 million homes without power! For days! We were only out for 36 hours here, but the phones and internet were out for an additional 24. Thank heavens for cell phones! We didn't suffer any damages here, but many did.
In other news, I finished the first draft of my second novel, "The Heart of a Scoundrel", which is hilarious and a rousing good time. Now I am editing (endlessly) and still trying to get the first novel, "From Afar", published, which is taking forever, as no literary agent has accepted it yet. But never fear, I shall prevail.
Oh yeah, and I still have school. Yick.

Chocolate

2008-09-10T14:32:00.003-04:00

I love chocolate. I do. I make sure that I always have some nearby because I never know when I'll need a fix. Chocolate is a pick-me-up, it is my happy thought, and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, rather like I'd imagine that love would. I'm not addicted, but I highly doubt that I could give it up entirely if I needed to. I pray every so often that it won't make the list of the Word of Wisdom forbidden food because if it did, I would cry for years. I'm afraid the Lord might do it anyway just so I have to suffer it. It would probably be really funny for Him to watch.

But does anybody notice that our chocolate changes with the seasons? Autumn is coming, and so I crave caramel and chocolate, like a Carmello. In winter, it's chocolate and mint. Spring...well, that's when the fruit candy is real big, but those of us who are purists get the Spring colored M&Ms of our choice. And summer is all about the chocolate and nuts. Why do we associate those flavors with those times of the year?

What do you think? What is your favorite seasonal chocolate treat?

Castles in the Sky

2008-08-31T17:43:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I met a woman who had everything I had ever wanted in life. She had a husband who was not only attractive (no, I was not checking him out, but a girl does notice these things) but thoughtful and playful. She had a few kids, all of whom were well behaved and beautiful, to boot. And she was so cute and fun and really just a great mom. I got to hold her 4 and a half month old baby girl for a very long time, and she had the most amazing blue eyes I have ever seen and the most perfect lips. She was an absolutely beautiful baby and she smelled just like a perfect baby ought to. As I was holding her, the thought occured to me that had my life turned out differently, this could have been my life. I could have been the woman standing at the poolside chatting with friends holding her baby girl in her arms. Granted, I most likely would only have had the one, but still, holding that little girl in my arms, I could see it. I could see myself with the husband playing around with other kids in the pool while I held our beautiful baby girl in the shade, watching him with all the love in the world, shaking my head at his childish antics, wondering if I had married a boy or a man. I actually got teared up during all of this, wishing that it had been the way my life had gone. That little baby symoblized all I had ever wanted in life.
But my life isn't that way, and, though it pains me very much to admit it, that was not how it was supposed to be. My life is turning out just the way it is supposed to go, however that is. I may not like it now or understand it at this point, but the Lord works in mysterious ways, and it is not up to me to determine if it is right or wrong because He is in control. He knows what I want and what is best for me, and all I gotta say is He's never let me down before, so there must be a DANG good life waiting in the wings for me. I just gotta get there and not lose faith. I firmly believe that I will get all that I have been dreaming off since I was a little girl, complete with the handsome Prince Charming to sweep me off of my feet and dream of castles in the sky with me, and live happily ever after. I know that happily ever after is not something that just happens, but must be worked towards, and I am going to enjoy the adventure of the work.
But until then, I'll still remember with a bit of sadness what I saw yesterday of what I could have. I'll still get it, but that doesn't really stop me from wishing it could be sooner rather than later.

Giving

2008-08-25T20:07:00.002-04:00

We had stake conference this weekend, and Elder Tiexiera [I THINK I spelled that right...] of the Seventy came to visit. He's from Frankfurt Germany but he seems to have lived just about everywhere. He told us this story about a man who lived with his family in Rwanda in the 70s. They were very wealthy and had a lot of possessions, but were very good people. One of the things that they had that was very important to them was a Mercedes Benz that they had picked out directly from the factory and they loved it very much. Anyway, a war started in Rwanda, and they needed to get out of the country. The fourteen year old daughter left fist, because the whole family could not travel together. They sent her to Portugal where they had a lot of family. The two sons left next, and then the wife. The man remained in Rwanda for a time to help the customers of his bank, to make sure that they would be taken care of. He had nearly everything taken from him. His massive collection of books was confiscated by the government. His money was absorbed into other funds. His house was foreclosed. He had nothing but money enough to leave and his Mercedes Benz. He met a friend of his on the road one day and asked how he was doing. The friend broke down into tears and told him how his mother was very ill and needed to go to hospital, but he couldn't get to her because he had no car, and they would never be able to leave the country on foot. This man reached into his pocket and pulled out his car keys and handed them to his friend. "If there is any car that can get through the borders, it's this one. Take it." His friend thanked him profusely and left. The only thing this man still had and he GAVE it away. Years later, after he'd been reunited with his family and they had been living in Portugal for some time, he was walking along a port with his wife and on a ship docked there, they saw a car that resembled the one that they used to have. They went over to the captain, who told them they'd had the car for months just waiting for someone to claim it, but no one had. All they had was a note with a single name on it. It just so happened that it was this man's name, and it was this man's car. He opened the note and it read: "Dear [his name], This car saved my mother's life. I return it to you with a heart full of gratitude. Signed [his friend]." The only thing that he GAVE away was returned to him.
Elder Teixiera's message was this: what we give, we always recieve. And we recieve more than we ever give.
It was an amazing conference.

My name...

2008-08-20T17:29:00.003-04:00

So I wonder a lot what people's names mean. Why are you named what you are?
As far as I know, my parents just liked my name. It was going to be Chris's name if he was a girl, and then it was going to be Timmy's name if he was a girl, but alas...
So there's no REASON for me to have my name. But through the help of babynames.com, I discovered some meanings.
Rebecca is a Hebrew name [like we didn't know that] and it means Snare. Intruiging and yet so ironic....
Lynne is English and it means From The Lake. Oooooooo....
And NOT thanks to babynames.com, I know the meaning of my last name. Connolly is Irish and it means courageous or valorous.
So. Snare From The Lake Courageous. Sounds like an Indian name. Hey, I like it! Which is a good thing, as it is a mite late to change it.
Now the REAL question is will my new last name when I eventually get married have just as cool of a meaning as my current one? What if it means Hairy Dog? That would totally ruin the effect of the sweetness of my name. What if it has more consonants than a mouth can handle and I have to spell it out every single day of my life 27 times? Last names are very important! Whenever I meet a semi-attractive guy, I tack his last name onto mine and see if it works. If it doesn't, he's out. Ok, maybe not TOTALLY out, but it is a definate strike. Imagine if my name became Becky Boomer. I mean, I would have to wear a paper bag on my head in public. If I have to subject myself to eternal humiliation based on my name alone, my husband had better be the most attractive man on the planet. Seriously...
I'm going to start praying for a good last name...or the most attractive man on the planet...
I'd prefer both.

Growing Up

2008-08-18T19:55:00.012-04:00

I've come to the realization that no matter how hard I try to deny it, I have become one of the things that I used to want to be but now fear.

I have become.... an ADULT!! [cue really creepy dramatic music and screaming female]

Yes, shocking though it is, I can no longer deny it.

Let us face facts:

1) I have completed high school. Granted, this is not technically a sign of maturation, but it is a mark of progression.

2) I have graduated from college. A rather momentous occasion, and most people start their lives at this point.

3) I no longer live at home. Debatable mark of adulthood, as some people still live at home due to circumstances beyond their control.

4) I am over the age of 21. The most promising mark other than college graduation, as according to all legal matters except that of car rental, I am considered an adult. This also means that I can legally drink...whoopee.

5) I have travelled abroad on my own. Not quite a mark of adulthood, but certainly a mark of refinement.

So, according to the facts, I can establish that I am such. Unfortunately, my brain is not quite so convinced of my new status. Why just today I got into a slap war with Dallin [the high school freshman whose basement I live in] and I think I won. I still grumble in the early morning hours, I still sneak candy whenever I can, I whisper loudly in the movie theater, and I don't sit still in church. Am I a hopeless cause, or just a late bloomer?

And for your enjoyment, I'm now going to compare my younger years with my more mature [PHST!] years. Enjoy the pictures, and draw your own conclusions.

Notice the size of the mouth. Hasn't changed with respect to the rest of the face. At least I'm not drooling on Sarah.

I think there's a reason why this first picture was taken before we made anything, i.e., Becky 16 years later without the Tupperware mat.

So I still like dressing up. I'm a stylin' person, people! Only difference is the first one was for church, and the second one was for the Oscar's party we had...

Ah, yes...costumes. The first one is obviously Halloween. And the second...15 years later...is not.

So, as you can see, I haven't changed much. Whether or not that is a good thing is still up for debate. I may be an adult in the most technical sense, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it! And heaven forbid I ever become MATURE! Yelch!

And as a side note, none of these older pictures were taken with the younger ones in mind. I was just lucky enough to find these on my computer in the last 20 minutes.

So, AM I a grown up? Do tell.

From Afar...my novel

2008-08-16T20:21:00.001-04:00

Prologue

If there is one thing to which young girls can—and do—aspire, it is being in love. They know it is rare to experience such a state, but are determined that they shall be one of the select few to turn out victorious.
Rebecca Dumate never thought about such things. That is, until he entered her life, and then she could think of nothing else. The paragon of perfection and his family moved into the elegant Benbridge estate, just three miles from her own home at Marshall Hall, when she was eleven. Over those three miles lay a lake as smooth as glass followed by rolling hills of lush green grass that led right up to her back door.
It was while she was standing on one of those hills that she caught her first glimpse of her new neighbors. Rebecca had just won yet another race against her three brothers and best friend Isabella Buchanan when she caught sight of the wagons and carts full of servants and luggage. All of the children ran into the house and informed anyone within a hearing distance (and a few that weren't) of the new arrivals. Mr. Dumate had left the very next morning to greet them, and returned with the delightful news that a Lord and Lady Birkham, their two sons, and a cousin Mr. Winters were now taking up residence.
Her brothers had been understandably excited as they had no playmates other than each other, and her elder sister Mary had blushed at her father’s suggestion that she become introduced to the cousin, who was apparently very handsome and in possession of an equally handsome fortune. Mr. Dumate further surprised them all with the information that the family would be dining with them the following evening at Marshall Hall.
The dinner proved to be a most advantageous event for both families. Mr. and Mrs. Dumate found Lord and Lady Birkham to be as pleasant and amiable as Mr. Dumate’s first impression had indicated. They were very well dressed; Lady Birkham had the air of fashion and rank, though with none of the pride and superiority that plagued many of her station. She was exquisitely beautiful, ageless and elegant, and delightfully witty. Lord Birkham was a more somber man, content to let his wife carry the conversations. He, too, had a ready smile, and it was evident that he adored his wife, and that his sons had a great respect and admiration for him.
The sons, Andrew and William, ages fifteen and thirteen, respectively, were very well-mannered boys, energetic and loud, but very respectful. Andrew’s manner was that of a playful nature, and his brother was just as lighthearted who delighted in following Andrew wherever he led. As luck would have it, the Birkham boys became fast friends with Edward and Henry, the younger two of Rebecca’s brothers, who were precisely the same ages.
The most pleasant introduction of the evening was, without a doubt, that of Mr. Winters to Miss Dumate. He was very handsome, and gave as much attention that a single young woman, and her overly anxious parents, could ever hope to receive. Mary, ever the lady, received his compliments with all politeness but could not escape the slight blush on her cheeks. During the course of the meal, little was said between them, but it was not unusual to catch one of them stealing a glance at the other.
Poor Rebecca, being the youngest of the party, found the whole of the meal somewhat dull with no one left to talk to. She did enjoy watching Mary who was behaving very strangely with all her stares and blushes and strove to hide her giggles in her napkin. This won her a look of disapproval from Frederick, her eldest brother, who knew precisely what she was witnessing. Afraid of being rude and of his scolding her, Rebecca immediately plastered a solemn look on her face until she saw Fred cast a wink and a small smile. She returned his smile, and continued her scan of the room.
Her eyes rested upon young Andrew Birkham, who was chatting animatedly with her brothers. She noticed his crooked grin, very straight teeth, and the way his hand was running absentmindedly over his dark curls. He was very different from her brothers, she thought. He was handsome and charming like the prince of her beloved fairy tales. He was a pure example of a gentleman, in her estimation. He would never tie her braids to her own bedpost and then run away laughing. Her scalp still ached from her brothers’ prank last week. No, he was perfect in every way, and she could only imagine how her heart would flutter when he flashed that crooked grin at her. She heard herself sigh, and, shocked by the sound, began to cover it up with a few coughs.
Edward looked at her strangely, his eyes questioning her, but she merely pointed to her throat and smiled. He laughed, and that, thankfully, was the end of it. She breathed a sigh of relief, inwardly this time, and focused once more on her food.
When the meal was completed, they were all to go to the drawing room for further conversation and the looming possibility of a musical recital. The children dreaded the long evening of sitting still and talking about dull subjects until Edward and Henry approached their father with a proposition. The boys asked if they--meaning the two Birkham’s, themselves, and Rebecca--could bring blankets outside so they might all gaze at the stars and find constellations. Mr. Dumate consented and called for Thomas to take the children outside.
Rebecca noticed that Frederick shot them a longing glance as they began to leave, knowing full well that at seventeen he was no longer considered a child, and therefore could not escape the adults. She smiled sympathetically at him, but only received a scowl in return. Making sure no one was looking, she stuck her tongue out and ran to catch up with the boys.
They all went to the large hill behind the house, set down their blankets, and laid upon them; Thomas standing nearby awaiting any order or request. Rebecca settled herself at the end of the line of blankets quickly and immediately began examining the clear night sky. The boys were talking amongst themselves about this star or that planet, leaving her to be silent and thoughtful.
“And what thoughts occupy your mind so completely, Miss Rebecca?”
She started as she realized that the person lying beside her was Andrew Birkham. Suddenly she felt slightly ill but realized that he was expecting an answer and so responded.
“I was trying to pick a star to wish upon,” she told him, half embarrassed and half breathless from having his presence only inches away.
Edward chortled, and Henry snickered quietly. “Don’t be such a girl, Rebecca.” Seeing the slightly hurt look on her face, he repented. “Come on, old chum. Help me find Cassiopeia before Henry does.”
Rebecca smiled in forgiveness and started searching for the constellation. After winning that race, they started again with other constellations until they had exhausted their memory of them. They started indoors again, but before going in, Andrew pulled Rebecca aside.
“Pick out your star, miss.”
She smiled, turned back, and found one, a bright blue in the southern sky. She pointed at it. “That one there.”
He leaned down close to see where she pointed and nodded thoughtfully. “Excellent choice,” he whispered in her ear. “Now, you must wish upon it whenever you can, and you must never tell the wish, otherwise it will not come true.”
Unable to summon her powers of speech, she nodded obediently. Henry called for them both, telling them to hurry. Andrew grinned and ran inside.
Rebecca was completely smitten from that moment on, and was absolutely certain that Andrew Birkham was perfect, her own prince charming. And she vowed there and then, upon that star, that somehow, she was going to win the race for his heart. And Rebecca Dumate never lost a race.

Starting Over.

2008-08-16T20:08:00.002-04:00

I have not been very happy as of late. I've just moved to Cincinnati, and although I lived here in my childhood, it hardly resembles the same place. There are some familiar faces and places and things, but for the most part, it is changed. I have yet to meet any kids from the single's branch here, and so my social circle is limited to the Rahlf's [whom I love to death, mind you...] and the people in my Massage Therapy classes [I'm saving THAT rant for tomorrow...look for it.] So right now, this place is very very lonely for me. It's depressing, actually. I'm praying and reading my scriptures and such, so THAT part of me is ok, but sometimes the Spirit just isn't enough, you know?
It reminds me of a story I heard: There was this little boy who sometimes had problems in the night where he would wake up and cry because he was scared. His mother would come in and would tell him to pray and that Heavenly Father and the Spirit would make him feel better, and that he didn't need to call for her all the time. A few nights later, he called for her in the night again, and she came in and told him the same thing she had before. Her little boy looked up at her, with tears swimming in his big eyes, and said, "Mommy, don't you know? Sometimes you just need someone with skin on."
That's how I feel most of the time! The more I learn about touch in class, the more I wish that I had more exposure to it. That sounds weird, let me try to explain: I am the type of person that loves hugs. I will randomly go up to my mom or a friend and wrap my arms around them purely for the reason that I need that contact. I enjoy being close to people physically, and sometimes I just feel like I have to touch. It makes things more real to me, and I feel more comfortable when I can establish that I have access to it. But right now, I am starving for affectionate human contact. Granted, I get the impersonal professional touch of the students in massage class [which should be comforting, but it's not...again, watch for tomorrow's blog], but it's not the same.
ANYWAY, barring the lack of human contact, I felt that something was missing. So I started going through my writing again, and BOOM I had something to fill my endless hours. I thought I'd start to share some things with you on here. Not all of it, because then when I'm famous, no one would buy the book. And I don't want y'all to save this stuff and publish it under a new name! JERKS! Haha, jk. But I hope you'll bear with me as I begin to open up with my writing, which happens to express more of me than I ever thought it would. Advice on the writing [or anything else, for that matter] is welcome! I'll post it above this. Enjoy!

A Deeper Glimpse...A Darker Glimpse

2008-08-11T16:36:00.004-04:00

This post has been deleted by the blogger, as it was a vain attempt to vent some very personal things and resulted in misunderstandings and concern rather than being seen for what it was meant to be. Sorry.

Oh the stories I have to tell...

2008-08-06T16:29:00.002-04:00

No, I didn't die. No, I was not abducted by aliens. And no, I did not win 5 million dollars, move to a deserted island with a very attractive very single doctor, and completely enjoy forgetting about every single one of you. Fabulous, though that last sounds.

I have been INSANELY busy.

Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up: I have been packing for my move to Cincy, shopping for a fabulous outfit that I can wear this weekend to the wedding of some high school friends [ladies, you understand the pressure THAT puts on a girl...] and then Breaking Dawn came out. Oh, Breaking Dawn, how did I ever live without you? Anyway, I stayed up all night and read the entire thing [I read fast] and then I went to sleep about 7:45 Saturday morning. Here's where it gets fuzzy. so I'll speak in third person. Apparently, Becky got up about 11 and decided to go and take a shower. However, unbeknownst to her, during her brief hours of sleep, her body pillow with the thick velvety case fell off of the bed and landed atop the only AC vent in her room. Now, for those of you who have not memorized everything about Becky's life, her room faces directly east and she has 2 windows. Therefore, it gets VERY warm in her room in the mornings. Thus, the thick body pillow with the velvety covering landing on the only source of cool air for the entire room rendered things a bit complicated. So, Becky, as she always does, sprang out of bed without a second thought and certainly no recovery for her head, and darted to the bathroom to cleanse herself. Upon reaching the bathroom, the heat of the room and the staying up all night caught up with her. She passed out and on her way to the floor, hit her head on either the toilet paper holder or the toilet itself, we aren't entirely sure, as no one saw her do it.

Now, her brave sister Jenny, hero of the day, was downstairs and heard the thump and, upon receiving no satisfactory audible response from Becky, ascended to the bathroom to ascertain the situation. She found Becky sitting up, feet propped against the door, making no sense. Thinking quickly and taking in Becky's pale and VERY sweaty state, she helped her undress and get into the bathtub, where she began to cool her off with cold water. Their mother arrived soon after and, upon hearing Becky repeat herself many MANY times, decided that a trip to the ER would be advisable.

After many hours, a catheter, a CT scan, blood tests, and waiting, the trusty staff of the Home Hospital in Lafayette decided that Becky had a concussion and needed to stay overnight for further observation. They moved her up into a room, and this is where Becky's memory began to kick in, and she no longer needed to repeat the same questions over and over and over and over and...well, you get the idea.

So. That was that. It was very frustrating for me, and very exasperating. But I went home on Sunday, and Mom helped me to finish packing [ok, she did it all and I sat in a chair and told her yes or no]. I drove to Cincy on Monday, with about 50 trillion guardian angels, I'm sure, and I went to my first day of school yesterday. Hoo, BUDDY, are there some characters in that class! It will be a very interesting time, lemme tell ya.

Today I did very little. Job hunting and therapeutic book purchasing. [Don't mock me, it works.] School again tomorrow, and then I plan on moving my things into a semi-permanent place and cleaning on Friday. But shhh! Don't tell Lori. She's out of town.

Which reminds me... Readers of this blog will please take a moment now to raise a cheer for the birth of Lorelei Brynn Rahlf. She came on August 5th at 4:30 MST (or is it MDT?) and weighed 8 lbs 9 oz. Happy parents are Tony and Melanie Rahlf, and excited big brother Soren. HUZZAH!

More updates to follow in the coming days, and more writing for those of you who are enlightened enough to receive it. Thank you and good night.

I've been tagged.....

2008-07-23T11:31:00.002-04:00

Thanks, Kerstin, for giving me something to do!
The rules are as follows for this chain letter:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Write six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
6. Let your tagger know when your blog entry is up.

Six random things:

I have a stronger attachment to my books than my clothes.

I eat my pancakes with peanut butter and syrup

I am the smallest member of my immediate family.

I've been writing stuff since I was in first grade...it's mostly rubbish, but STILL...

It has been stated that I have the ugliest feet in the Connolly family, and that includes grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

I'm a little obsessed with good smelling things. Body spray, lotion, candles, bath salts, aromatherapy sticks... (and that's just on my desk and dresser right now....)

And I am going to tag.......Erin, Celeste, Jane, Jackie, Alicia, and Kylie!

To do....Or Not to do.....

2008-07-22T09:42:00.002-04:00

So I woke up this morning at the semi-normal (because my windows face directly east....) hour of 7:45, laid in bed for another hour reading New Moon, and then sat up, looked around my room, and decided that I really didn't HAVE to get out of bed today. But then my newly installed adult portion of my brain said, "Yes, Becky, you do. You have a ton to do and you have to do it." Well, I fought with that stupid adult side for fifteen minutes, and then finally decided that I COULD get up without acutally doing anything.
Perhaps I should explain...currently, my room is littered with various articles of clothing, random bits of papers, and a general disaster thanks to my graduating, moving, travelling, and having to move again. Since I have NO idea how much space I actually have at my new place, the idea of beginning to pack again terrifies me. Not to mention that my parents have asked me to go through all of the stuff that USED to be in my closet and throw things out... Can we say ick? They have youth program service projects for things like that!
Anyway, the writing process is going EXTREMELY well, even though Jenny seems to think I'm anti-social. Whatever. I'm not going to stop, if that's what she means...love her, though. She's such a goof.
So who knows how much of whatever is going to get done today. I only have a week until Orientation, so I should do SOMETHING besides write today. Like take a shower. That I can do.

This time I really am back, I promise.

2008-07-19T12:16:00.003-04:00

Well, I hope none of you thought I was dead, though I wouldn't blame you if you did, seeing as how I haven't posted on here in AGES. But never fear, I am alive and well....mostly....
Ok, here comes the explanation. Last April, if you recall, I took the atheletic training certification exam. I found out on the day of my graduation ceremony AFTER I had graduated that I had failed. To make a very long story very short, I was devastated, and didn't want to duscuss it. But I went off to England, and had a marvelous time and only thought about the test every single day. But there was nothing I could do about it overseas, so I didn't worry about it. Just before I came home the scores of the test were sent out and I found out that I had failed by 6 points. Just 6. That's all. That took some getting over. Anyway, I came home, started unpacking, and then went to Omaha for Jenny, as you all know. And since then I have done nothing but study, eat, sleep, and occasionally take a shower. I have not been blogging or writing at all, and, trust me, I felt the pain of that! After months of nothing but writing, try telling yourself to stop. It sucks. ANYWHO, I just took the test again this morning, feel GREAT about it, and so now I am BACK!
So, here's what the dealio is: I move to Cincinnati at the end of this month for massage school. But before then, I have to organize my room, PACK my room, finish editing From Afar, send of 7 more letters to literary agents, get some more work done on To Love Again, and transfer all of my written novel notes into my computer so that I have all of the information in one place!
I think I might die.....
Oh, for those of you who are new to my writing schemes: From Afar is my first novel. It's all done, but there is still some editing and revising needed. It's the first in a series about the Birkham family, set in Regency England, but without the high-faluting mumbo-jumbo. It's told a lot like how my brain sees things and thinks things, so I find it pretty funny. To Love Again is the second book in the series, and is not even halfway done, which is BAD considering I wanted to have the first draft done by Halloween....might have to make that Thanksgiving..... If you want to know more about all of that stuff, email me at rebelconn@gmail.com. I'm ALWAYS more than happy to talk about these things!!!!
Right, I also have to find a job in Cincy. I just applied to one at the new hospital opening in Liberty in their Rehabilitation center, so we'll see. School starts on August 5th, so that will be exciting.
OH! And I also have to buy and read Breaking Dawn on August 2nd. Please don't call me that day, I won't answer. Or if I do, I might be issuing all sorts of mean, horrible, nasty threats that I may or may not follow through with, depending on how it ends and how many of you call.
Yes, I am a Twilight-aholic. So what? It's good stuff! GO EDWARD!
Anyway, that's my current life in a nutshell. Confused? So am I. But somehow I'll manage to connect all the various parts of me, and figure out who I am, what I am doing, and where it all will lead me. Wow, that sounds tiring. I think I'll have to pack some M&Ms for that...

First day of Olympic Trials

2008-06-29T22:04:00.002-04:00

Day one of adventures in Olympia:
Four of us (Chris, Erin, Sarah, and me) got to sit in the luxury boxes at the morning session, thanks to the generosity of Indiana Swimming, and so we were really close to the start of the races. At this meet they have what is called a clean deck, where no swimmers, coaches, or any other people but the officials can be on the deck of the pool during the races. Because of this, they march all of the swimmers in just before their heat, so it is REALLY cool.
Jenny swam the 100 meter butterfly today and was seeded 76th. She got a best time today and finished 53rd, so that is awesome!
Dad, Chris, Erin, and I went to the finals tonight, and for the first time, I saw world records get broken. Michael Phelps broke his in the 400 IM and Katie Hoff broke hers in the 400 IM. I also saw probably the best race ever in the 400 Free where three guys battled it out for the top two places, and all three went under the American record. It was soooooooo cool!
Jenny update: she is feeling really good. She's really excited for tomorrow and can't wait to get going. She really feels like she can do her best here, which makes us feel good too!
We're so proud of her and know that whatever she does tomorrow or Tuesday, assuming she makes the finals, will be her best, and she has represent her family, her team, and the Church in an amazing way. Thanks for all of your support!

Tales of a Very Long Car Trip

2008-06-26T20:46:00.002-04:00

After 9 hours in a 2005 Ford Taurus with my parents, I have arrived in Omaha, Nebraska, having felt enriched and a better American. After all, I had never been through Iowa, and never set foot in Nebraska, and now I have. Illinois and Indiana were nice, as well, and I am amazed at the differences in color between here and in the UK. The landscape is not SO different--a bit more hills and trees--but the color of said landscape is vastly different. The UK manages to have more vibrancy, and our colors of pastures and wildflowers and such is more pale. I don't mean to degrade our beloved States by any means, but the colors are litterally not as bright. The green here has more yellow in it, and the flowers have mroe white in them. Pure colors in the UK, blended colors here. Very interesting.
Also, people are strange here. We saw someone almost get crushed by a semi, and then at Subway there was an old woman who had her hair in curlers and in pins. I would have taken a picture, but discretion is not one of my strong points.
But, Jenny just called, and she has just landed. We are so excited for next week. She swims on Sunday, Monday, and, assuming she makes the finals of the 100m back, Tuesday night. She feels great, we feel nervous, and everything is going to be new and exciting. Man, I love the Olympics!

Jenny

2008-06-22T13:57:00.002-04:00

When I woke up this morning and went to the kitchen for breakfast, I picked up the Sports section, and was a little startled to see my baby sister on the front page. Not too startled, mind, as she is the most famous athlete in Lafayette (a real privilege, that) and who else are they going to talk about this week? There was the beginning of a nice article about her and how the Olympic Trials are next week and how she's been training for years for this, etc, etc, etc. My mom sees my crazy grin, and says, "Wait til you look inside." I flip the page---and nothing. I looked up at her in confusion. She said, "Next page." So I shrugged and turned one more---and I screamed. Full page spread, color photos, Jenny Connolly Prepares For Olympic Trials. Captions under each pic, and on the other side there was the rest of the article about her. Then the listed "Other Olympic Hopefuls" that were in various other sports. But HOLY COW!!!! What a way to begin the Sabbath, eh? If you want to read the article/see the pics, go to www.jconline.com, and you can't miss it. But Jenny is amazing. She's not nervous; just really excited. She's seeded 7th right now, but we all know that Jenny is amazing on a taper, and she is so ready for this. Whether she makes the team or not, I'm already proud of her. We leave on Thursday for Omaha, and I am so excited!!!!
Here are some of the pics from the paper today:

She makes it look so easy, doesn't she?

I told her I was making this a poster, and she rolled her eyes at me.

I LOVE this one. Looks like something that should be in SI, huh?

Home Sweet Home

2008-06-22T13:35:00.003-04:00

Yes, I am here. And the jetlag is amazing, and the unpacking has commenced. It is quite frightening, actually. There were more bags in my room than in the basement or my parent's closest combined. I have already filled three 18 gallon bins, and have scoured three different closets for the right number of hangers. This is what happens when you lose your room to a younger sibling and then move home after four years of independance. THEY STEAL YOUR STUFF AND YOU HAVE TO FEND FOR YOURSELF! But, on the upside, my mom has already paid for a new haircut (at Jenny's insistence--the haircut itself, not that Mom pay for it), two bins, a movie, refurbishing hygeine products, and photo printing. My gratitude knows no bounds...I just hope it lasts for the clothing restitution......

This is AFTER the unpacking. And the bed hides a multitude of sins. And don't forget the stuff in the hallway.....but the hair is cute, is it not?

Day 50. The End.

2008-06-18T03:13:00.002-04:00

“So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good bye.” Well, gang, my time in London has come to an end. In 24 hours I will be at Heathrow Airport checking my bags, praying that they are not overweight, and then going through security and then waiting, waiting, waiting.
London has been amazing. I have seen things I never dreamed I would see. I have enjoyed every moment of it. There have been high times and hard times, but that’s the way it goes. I found this in one of my notebooks from a particularly bad day:
“I am living my dream and finding that my dream is not what I thought it would be. London is an experience, it is true, but not the one I would have chosen. I am continually disappointed, wishing for the London that I held on a pedestal. The London of Austen, of Radcliffe, of Bronte, of Dickens, of Shakespeare. The London of the Regent, of Waterloo, of Elizabeth, and Victoria. But that London is gone. The buildings are shells of what used to be, and if you keep your eyes looking up, you can almost imagine it. But you cannot look up forever, and then your reality sets in. The buildings you imagined fine lords and ladies inhabiting are now apartments above shops like RadioShack or Marks and Spencer or Anne’s Antiques. There are cars along the street and trucks humming along, nearly knocking you from your construction worked-over uneven walkway. People bustle by, not in their fine clothes or with their fine manners, but with their crass language and cigarettes, talking on cell phones and hardly noticing where they are walking. ‘This is not right,’ I think. ‘This is all wrong.’ It is too loud, too crowded, too dirty. Where are the carriages and footmen, the horses and stable hands? Where are propriety and manners and honor and chivalry? It is all too much, this London I am living in. Too much of what I have long hated all thrown into the sludge of shattered illusions and broken expectations. When did prices reach so high that you wince over a baguette? When did a lack of oxygen become commonplace in favor of smoke and exhaust and alcohol? When did mouths begin to venture where no respectable ear should endure?
This man used to live here, but now it is a car park. This writer wrote here, but now it houses an adult store. This artist is buried near here, but we can’t remember where. This church was once purely from the 10th century, but then it was a stable, but is now restored.
Used to be. But now. Near here. Once was. Don’t they realize what a legacy was to be had? “Have [they] no perception of what [they] have lost?” What is preserved and what is not? Where will tourists go and how much money can we make from them?
But what about the rest of us? We who are merely pilgrims seeking for what our imaginations had conjured up and treasured? “All that glitters is not gold.” Tarnish glitters, too. A feeble attempt, but a glitter all the same. My treasure is nothing more than that of a Cracker Jack box—a trite imitation, cheap and crude and not worth as much as the packaging it came in. Potential is everywhere, but it is left untapped.
Perhaps it is my fault. I should not expect so much from a place that must change with the times and alter as necessity dictates. Did I expect my imaginations to exist in reality, that what I wanted actually mattered to this place? My pedestal was too much, too high, too lofty, and there was nothing for it but to topple over and clatter upon the marble floor of the vault of my mind. My pilgrimage has changed me, though how I still cannot quite tell. There is still magic here, I am still drawn, but I also look back, more frequently with each day. Back to where I could dream and wonder and pretend that what I wanted existed and where my pedestals were of a respectable height of no great consequence. But Frodo was right: “There is no going back”. My imaginations have been eroded by reality. “Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.”

“Yet hope remains”! For in the wild not-so-hallowed halls of my mind, the imagination still roams free and reigns supreme. I can cast off this dirty, smelly, dingy shroud of this place and change it to a delicate, clean, innocent veil of something else. For what have we, if we cannot have dreams? “What would be the point of living if we could not dream? Life would be dull!” And though I am many things, dull is not one of them. So onward, ye daydreamers, ye artists and inventors and writers and wishers! “Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection. The lovers, the dreamers, and me.” Tallyho!”

But let us remember what has been done:
Shows seen: 7
Universities visited: 3
Trips taken: 15
Chocolate consumed: No comment
Tubes rides: A whole lot
Friends made: 42
Lives changed: 1

London, thank you for housing me, sheltering me, enriching me, and showing me a part of the world that I never knew existed. Thanks for the waffles, the Indian food, the charity shops, the souvenir shops with scary foreign men, the sights, the sounds, not the smells, the accents, the palaces, and seeing random celebrities like Dustin Hoffman, Emma Thompson, Sean Connery, the woman who plays Caroline Bingley in the A&E Pride and Prejudice, the woman who plays Mrs. Elton in the Gwyneth Paltrow Emma, and the woman who plays Jane in the A&E Pride and Prejudice.Thank you, London. I’ll never forget.